Moon of the Wolf (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter)

The Louisiana swamp lands: a rural community living on strong liquor and baked beans with pork in predominantly wooden housing.

A community living in fear of one deadly spark... Oh, and the local werewolf, yeah, some of them are scared of that. But it's not all wood, ham, chewing the furniture and not following through emotionally; there are other types of acting on display, too. There's the magnificent "stoical sheriff who can't quite believe he's ended up in a horror-themed TV Movie" work of David Janssen. Then we have the exemplary "disreputable local doctor with a secret even bigger than his combover" characterization from John Beradino. And who can forget the incredible "being really annoying" performance of Barbara Rush in a role that surely only looked "faintly annoying" on paper? We can't, and, to be honest, it's making forgiveness harder.

However, all of this pales into insignificance when set against some of the finest "incomprehensible Deep South accent" mumbling you'll ever half-hear, and that's before Matthew and Ian mimic how it sounds to British ears. This film has it all: noises, pictures, two guys talking over it, and occasional lycanthropy. It's not bad, but ChatGPT does intend to use it in evidence against the Writers Guild of America to prove formulaic, derivative nonsense was being churned out long before its day.

But how, you ask. will the all important wolf creature be depicted on screen? Will it be realized through majestic animatronics or ingenious CGI? Will it be largely hinted at through POV shots of victims recoiling in horror? Will it be a proper 1970s werewolf like you'd get on Dark Shadows or if someone had fallen on the floor of a busy barbershop with honey smeared over their face because they're a really messy eater and all the honey in their eyes had prevented them seeing a low obstacle? Let us tell you right now: it's some of those.