An eccentric billionaire is ripping off The Running Man, but he didn’t count on one man ruining the party: John Stoneman.

No, not John Ryan, that’s a character played by the same actor in Street Law. And not John Stone, he’s from Stone Cold. John Stoneman is a professor of “Warriorism.” This sounds like something a glistening oaf you’ve never heard of would talk about while Joe Rogan nods for three hours, but evidently it’s a valuable set of skills that involves kicking people, then having deep, philosophical conversations about topics such as “Why do we kick people?”

After a series of encounters in parking lots, John is kidnapped and taken to the Arctic Circle, played ably by a mid-Atlantic sledding hill three days after it snowed. There, he’s forced to compete in a series of brutal cage matches, many of which involve a hovercraft for some reason. He’s up against Tae Kwon Do experts, Secundus from Abraxas, and a member of the Chicago Bears whose stated position changes several times throughout the movie. Then they broadcast these fights over pay-per-view, which evidently rakes in the dough, though possibly just because of the halftime Puppy Bowl.

Find out if a knowledge of all things Warriorism will be enough to help Stoneman escape with his life as Mike, Kevin, and Bill take on Fatal Combat!

Written by: Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, Sean Thomason, Jason Miller, Zachary Shatzer