Director Michael Bay goes in a delightful new direction with The Rock, in which Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery lend their voices to a herd of seals traveling to San Francisco to meet Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. No, just kidding, it's a cookie-cutter action flick, but that doesn't make it any less of a barrel of laughs.

Nicolas Cage plays the FBI's most annoying scientist. Sean Connery plays a sexagenarian James Bond. (Pun intended. Rrrawr). The two have forty hours to infiltrate Alcatraz Island and stop Ed Harris, who plans on killing a bunch of people unless they all watch Pollock and like it. Starring guns and explosions, the Criterion Collection generously calls The Rock, "a movie." No one is quite sure what it's a criterion of exactly, but it probably has something to do with military aircraft and sunsets.

J.D. Martell and Peter Hildebrand are "stuck between The Rock and a hard case"* in this iRiff from Everybody's Favorite.

* This is a line in the movie. We don't get it either.