Ladies and gentlemen, you have a chance to purchase a very special, one-of-a-kind iRiff. Drive Angry was filmed in 3-D, so you could experience every bit of filth sloughing off Nicolas Cage’s body as if it was landing right in your lap. But in this exclusive presentation, you’ll get to experience Drive Angry as you never have before: in stunning 2-D! That’s right, none of the high-octane car chases, explosions, or genital mutilations will come to life in any way, and will remain completely within the boundaries of your very own TV! Bullets, coins, exploding debris, and jawbones will fall way short of jumping out at you but will come kind of close to the camera! Nic Cage will phone in his performance and mumble all his lines!

No glasses are required to watch the action-packed story of a deranged father’s escape from Hell (real Hell, not the half-assed Event Horizon Hell) and pursuit of his daughter’s killer. With his granddaughter’s life on the line, he must kill anyone who gets in his way, or doesn’t get in his way, or is just on their way to McDonald’s when some psycho in a Charger peels out in front of them doing 80.

Join J.C. Walsh for a 2-D viewing experience guaranteed to melt your face off (please have a spare face available before attempting to view)!

(Note: When you quote dialogue from an R-rated film, you get an R-rated riff. Just so you know.)