Steven Seagal, the Seven Mary Three of 90s action stars, has spent the past twenty years carving out a nice little niche releasing movies shot in countries that no longer exist, to direct-to-video formats which also no longer exist. One of these movies is A Dangerous Man, an oafish slurry of wet roads, attempted catchphrases, squinting has-beens, and far more gratuitous gun violence than you’d expect from a martial artist who also claims to be a devout Buddhist.

Seagal is not as agile as he once was, in the same sense that John F. Kennedy is no longer the great orator he once was. Fortunately, the director is able to use a subtle visual technique known as “cutting every nine frames and shaking the camera around like it’s a can of spraypaint.” Usually this means that a stuntman (who’s much more in shape than Seagal and also probably isn’t pals with Vladimir Putin), is forced to hurl themselves across a room and into a bookshelf when Seagal lightly taps them.

There’s a plot here somewhere, assembled directly from the action movie cliché buffet. Warring mafias, human trafficking, corrupt cops, and wrongful imprisonment all congeal into each other on your plate. But at the forefront is the Dangerous Man himself, Steven Seagal, lurching toward the camera like a dad four beers in, confronting a Little League umpire in the parking lot after the game. Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the first Steven Seagal movie in RiffTrax history: A Dangerous Man.

Written by: Bill Corbett, Conor Lastowka, and Sean Thomason

Contributing writers: Jason Miller and Zach Shatzer