We all know you can Shake Hands With Danger on a construction site. But did you know that bountiful opportunities to greet danger exist in the standard American office?*

Deadly hazards lurk around every corner: cords to trip over, filing cabinets to get pinned under, and co-workers who insist on telling you about their fantasy football teams.

And who better to teach us about these hazards than the U.S. Navy? It turns out that while the troops were off winning WW2, the Navy home office was full of people who needed helpful tips like “Actually, don’t slice your thumb off with the paper cutter!” Miss Dipple, Lockenbar, and Lumbering Louie are essentially the Jackass crew of the 1950s, injuring each other for our amusement. (Their antics came to an end after Lumbering Louie controversially stapled his sack to his thigh in front of the First Lady at the Eisenhower Inaugural Ball.)

Uncle Sam wants you to lumber on down and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Safety in Offices!

*You can get hurt in the British office as well, in fact it’s much funnier!