WEBVTT FILE

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(RiffTrax Opening Theme Song)

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This movie brought to you by
Japan

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Japan sorry about World War 

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Two you guys here's a

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big bunch of hentai.

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[Kevin] Not just Japan

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Funky japan, 

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Oooo Japan after dark

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oooh yeah!!

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[Mike] Those topless women
might seem

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sexier if they weren't
swimming in a

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giant pool of blood.

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* *

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[Kevin] Directed by a bikini

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top stealing monkey

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[Mike] Wait, what ok I wasn't
ready

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* *

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[Bill] These pool cleaners are
eccentric. 

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* *

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Oh I see it's Ted Nugent's 

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pool cleaning service

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* *

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[Kevin] Ah huh if I had a nipple

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for every movie 

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that started with topless woman

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[Mike] Nickel, Kevin, nickel

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[kevin] That's what I said. 

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* *

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(shot fires)

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[Bill] Stop shooting me
Debbie, God!

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* *

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[Mike] Forced botox is a big
thing

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in this Hugh Hefner
worshipping dystopia.

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(horses feet clopping)

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[Bill] My mom dressed like that
in the seventies

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Gun and All!

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[Mike] Wow

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[Kevin] Her pathological hatred
of Ralph

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Lauren drove her to ever darker
deeds

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[Mike] Are you the jerk

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who made fun of my hot pants
ensemble?

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[Bill] Ah car pulling up

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this should explain 

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her huh??**

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[Kevin] Okay I'm getting 

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the pattern every thirty
seconds 

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this movie starts a new 

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scene that ends with a 

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bunch of discount

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Charlie's Angels showing up

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and killing everyone. 

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[Mike] I've heard worse ideas

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(shot fires)

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Bill] Average afternoon for{
Wilt Chamberlain

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Mike] General film Corporation{

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creators of proudly non-

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specific cinema. 

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[Kevin] Our guarantee 

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we will not limit our movies by

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committing to anything in
particular

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[Bill] Wonder Women??

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Oh boy! 

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Here we go!!

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Diana the warrior 

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princess of the Amazon

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Powerful and beloved superhero

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[Mike] Bill Bill Bill wait wait

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Bill] member of the justice{

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league of America, Wielder

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of the lasso of truth!

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[Kevin] Bill no no

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[Mike] No Bill. 

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[Bill] Yes? 

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[Mike] the title of this movie
is wonder WOMEN

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Plural. And it has a ..

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[Bill] Oh boy you mean 

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there's some dimensional

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crisis where there's more than
one

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wonder woman and they do
battle in order to 

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[Mike and Kevin) Bill! Bill!

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[Bill] Bill this movie has
nothing to

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do with the superhero Wonder
Woman!

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[Mike] At all!! 

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[Kevin] It's just this weird 

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crime caper with some sci fi
thrown in

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shot in the Philippines for
like uh $100 

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[Bill] Oh

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Well I love Jai Alai is there

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at least Jai Alai? 

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[Mike] No that was it

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* *

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* *

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[Kevin] Gun? Nice. 

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Like that look

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Ah but the black gloves make it
a fashion

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over statement. 

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[Bill] Yeah

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[Mike] I love you Jai Alai
whatever your

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stupid rules, uh ohhh

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[Bill] Oh yeah murder is

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worth it to score a sensible
used car

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(shot fires)

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[Mike] Oh hire Martha 

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Graham dancers to play murder
victims.

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* *

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[Kevin] Ah don't run us down 

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we're your audience! Ahh!!

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(brakes screech)

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[Bill] Ooo the Grey Poupon guy 

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is doing alright for himself

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* *

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[Kevin] Well guys luckily 

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we have constant circus music
now

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so we can all go and sing

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[Bill] That is a blessing

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[Mike] RIP--tiny scuba gear.

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[Bill] It's Frank Booth's
origin story

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* *

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[Kevin] mmmm hmmm down by the
sea

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we throw our bodies right into
the ocean and

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down they float to

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feed the fish that dwell under
the sea 

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Take it Mike!!

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[Mike] What? 

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(tries to sing) Down by the sea
that

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the fish are now eating 

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your grandma it's so nice

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I didn't know the words!! 

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[Kevin] No sweat. 

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We're moving on

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musically baby here we go uh
huh!

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[Bill] Ladies are allowed to

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wear internet douche hats??

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(disco music plays)

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[Mike] Sudden underpants alert

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[Kevin] Hey stop throwing your 

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underpants and watch the movie
Mike.

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* *

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[Bill] Movie is its own rule 34

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* *

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[Mike] Hot!!

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Putting on shoes and 

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adjusting various foundation
garments 

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in a cramped back seat action

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[Kevin] Ah they're going to a
mother

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of dead kid in Jaws cosplay
party

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* *

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[Mike] Blofelt's criminal lair

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or community college built in
the 60s? 

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Hard to say. 

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[Bill] Well the presence of sexy

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armed guards would argue for 

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the former but maybe 

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it's like uh Bel Air Community
College? 

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Here you are check

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for the vital signs

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Anesthesia

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[Kevin] Oh yeah anesthesia

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would so great right now 

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[Bill] Dude

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Respiration it was
unsatisfactory.

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I see it irregular. 

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[Mike] They do not

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mess around when giving a
mani-pedi

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(indistinct) 

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[Bill] Odd pallbearers but we

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had to honor grandpa's funeral
wishes

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[Kevin] We should request

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pants for our next job

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(buzzing noise)

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[Mike] Nice to meet you

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(buzzing noise)

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[Bill] There are super

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kinky billionaires who pay a

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lot for this service. 

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Jesus Christ

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It worked. 

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Still alive?

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Of course he is.

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You don't think she can do it? 

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She can do anything it. 

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Do you think she'll be pleased
with us? 

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[Kevin]and P. S. are we in the
same room?

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Yeah and everything went so 

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perfect I can't believe it. 

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Not quite. 

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You goofed back there remember.

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[Mike] you wore two inch heels

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instead of three inch

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I always went out to kill you

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could have knocked him out!

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Get off my back. 

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Now you listen to me. 

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You were thirty seconds off 

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your mark now the next time that

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happens to you 

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[Kevin] We'll be having a 

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cheaply titilating cat fight

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Congratulations.

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There's no deterioration. 

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You are to be commended. 

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[Bill] Our beta version of
Orlando Bloom

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looks promising. 

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To all of you. 

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It must be a complete success

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The key to immortality. the
living brains

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sustained. 

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Transferred into new and
foreign origins. 

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I'll accept it. 

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Because of my anti rejection
serum 

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[Bill] Anti rejection serum. 

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Wow I could have used that 

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for many Mensa applications

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[Kevin] It's all very nice but
it

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a 727 is about to land on your
heads!!!

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[Bill] (singing) Leaving for
Miami Beach

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Didn't get to bed last night

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Plane was so damn noisy

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it made my ears bleed! 

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Still at least it wasn't Delta! 

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[Mike] Wew it took a butt

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twist at the end there

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[Bill] I abandoned rhyme

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and meter to tell truth

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(sound of plan engines)

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(sound of plane engines)

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[Kevin] We'll hire the
creepiest 

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cinematographer we can

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find!! 

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There we go.

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(indistinct on loud speaker in
airport)

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[Mike] I hope this guys 

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who look kind of like

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Lee Majors convention is a
success.

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[Bill] Am I wearing the hat?

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Or it the hat wearing me?

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Hmmmm.

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(indistinct)

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[Kevin] Where's the hula girls
with my lei?

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[Mike] This is the Philippines
sir

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here you get a fermented duck
embryo

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I am the number one the
fiercest 

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the bravest

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Good. 

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You got it.

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[Bill] My life story! Coming up
after

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[Kevin] No that's not what

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No

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This is a fascinating and very

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long life story sir 

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you will love it

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[Kevin] Uhhh

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It's alright

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* *

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[Mike] Like the car?

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I stole it off some puppet band!

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(indistinct)

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You been here before? 

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[Bill] Ever T bone a school
bus??

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This the car! 

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Very soon, watch me!

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[Mike] The intercontinental
hotel.

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Come see why you were
vaccinated

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before your flight here. 

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Yes my friend.

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Makes me lover not a fighter!

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Love a little.

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Fight a little. 

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[Kevin] Leave a penny take a
penny

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* *

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[Bill] Car made entirely

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of Peter Tork's shirts.

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* *

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Thank you very much.

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[Mike] Andy Kaufman, Taxi, I
get it.

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What's your name?

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Mike.

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[Kevin] Geez this this floor

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is covered in train darts

280
00:12:35.300 --> 00:12:36.434
Listen I'm looking for

281
00:12:36.434 --> 00:12:39.000
a man named Lorenzo.

282
00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:40.300
Oh you must be Mr Harbor. 

283
00:12:40.300 --> 00:12:41.167
Lorenzo's expecting you. 

284
00:12:41.167 --> 00:12:42.200
You bet your sweet he is. 

285
00:12:42.200 --> 00:12:43.133
Where can I find him? 

286
00:12:43.133 --> 00:12:45.000
Right here. 

287
00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:46.033
[Bill] May I still wager my
sweet ass?

288
00:12:46.033 --> 00:12:47.100
Where the hell do you get off 

289
00:12:47.100 --> 00:12:49.167
snatching my passport?

290
00:12:49.167 --> 00:12:51.167
I have here a check for ten

291
00:12:51.167 --> 00:12:53.267
thousand dollars from Lloyds of
London. 

292
00:12:53.267 --> 00:12:54.734
[Mike] They loved your jingle, 

293
00:12:54.734 --> 00:12:56.400
Made out to you. 

294
00:12:56.400 --> 00:12:57.300
It should buy me five

295
00:12:57.300 --> 00:12:58.601
minutes of your time.

296
00:12:58.601 --> 00:13:02.534
Five minutes, my passport

297
00:13:02.534 --> 00:13:04.767
and the next flight to
Melbourne. 

298
00:13:04.767 --> 00:13:06.000
How about five minutes of a
drink

299
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:06.834
you looks as though you

300
00:13:06.834 --> 00:13:07.968
could use one. 

301
00:13:07.968 --> 00:13:08.701
[Kevin] Ahhh there'd better

302
00:13:08.701 --> 00:13:11.501
be sweet asses to bet on

303
00:13:11.501 --> 00:13:16.467
* *

304
00:13:16.467 --> 00:13:18.300
[Bill] Well that experiment
flopped. 

305
00:13:18.300 --> 00:13:20.634
Onto cankle reductions.

306
00:13:20.634 --> 00:13:22.300
We have the optical
regeneration

307
00:13:22.300 --> 00:13:23.734
for Lillian Taylor it's
scheduled 

308
00:13:23.734 --> 00:13:25.567
for surgery tomorrow morning.
And also

309
00:13:25.567 --> 00:13:26.934
[Mike] Look out

310
00:13:26.934 --> 00:13:30.434
more eye candy for the ladies!!

311
00:13:30.434 --> 00:13:32.467
Program her against pain. 

312
00:13:32.467 --> 00:13:34.167
Place her in an alpha state 

313
00:13:34.167 --> 00:13:35.834
and ten and a half cycles per
second. 

314
00:13:35.834 --> 00:13:38.801
[Kevin] But they Pinterest til
four then

315
00:13:38.801 --> 00:13:39.467
sneak out. 

316
00:13:39.467 --> 00:13:41.133
Got it. 

317
00:13:41.133 --> 00:13:42.901
I've received a cable of

318
00:13:42.901 --> 00:13:43.834
verification from our former

319
00:13:43.834 --> 00:13:45.234
paraplegic. 

320
00:13:45.234 --> 00:13:46.767
[Mike] Have a break from my
face. 

321
00:13:46.767 --> 00:13:48.000
Time's up!

322
00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:51.434
The English Duke.

323
00:13:51.434 --> 00:13:52.534
Completion monies to the extent
of

324
00:13:52.534 --> 00:13:53.868
three hundred thousand pounds

325
00:13:53.868 --> 00:13:55.100
sterling would be accredited to

326
00:13:55.100 --> 00:13:56.467
your Swiss account. 

327
00:13:56.467 --> 00:13:57.667
As of that date. 

328
00:13:57.667 --> 00:13:59.701
[Mike] Here's the place mat of
authenticity

329
00:13:59.701 --> 00:14:00.534
Good. 

330
00:14:00.534 --> 00:14:01.501
I'm pleased to see that

331
00:14:01.501 --> 00:14:02.501
such a handsome man is

332
00:14:02.501 --> 00:14:05.400
going to be a man again 

333
00:14:05.400 --> 00:14:06.567
[Kevin] Does she mean handsome
for a

334
00:14:06.567 --> 00:14:08.400
Rob Zombie regular?

335
00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:10.834
Our south American friends are

336
00:14:10.834 --> 00:14:12.734
quivelling over pennies again. 

337
00:14:12.734 --> 00:14:14.868
Five hundred thousand dollars

338
00:14:14.868 --> 00:14:16.467
to be exact. 

339
00:14:16.467 --> 00:14:18.901
[Bill] So fifteen million
pennies

340
00:14:18.901 --> 00:14:19.968
His representative has
expressed his 

341
00:14:19.968 --> 00:14:21.200
employers concern over 

342
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:22.968
the nature of the donor's sex

343
00:14:22.968 --> 00:14:25.267
[Mike] Please don't say the
word sex Argo.

344
00:14:25.267 --> 00:14:27.734
I would be happy to speak to
his employer. 

345
00:14:27.734 --> 00:14:29.634
But you can reassure him that 

346
00:14:29.634 --> 00:14:31.801
never say never. 

347
00:14:31.801 --> 00:14:33.901
[Kevin] And that Mr Bokowsky 

348
00:14:33.901 --> 00:14:37.501
is a model organ donor

349
00:14:37.501 --> 00:14:38.434
Today's a happy day. 

350
00:14:38.434 --> 00:14:39.300
And I don't want to hear of 

351
00:14:39.300 --> 00:14:40.267
any more problems.

352
00:14:40.267 --> 00:14:41.767
That's what I pay you for

353
00:14:41.767 --> 00:14:43.300
I know doctor 

354
00:14:43.300 --> 00:14:44.367
[Bill] His smile can

355
00:14:44.367 --> 00:14:47.501
light up an adult bookstore

356
00:14:47.501 --> 00:14:50.000
and we have one more matter to
discuss.

357
00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:51.734
I think we have a problem 

358
00:14:51.734 --> 00:14:55.033
[Mike] It appears to be the 70s

359
00:14:55.033 --> 00:14:56.100
Seems as though Lloyds of London

360
00:14:56.100 --> 00:14:57.267
will be obligated to pay

361
00:14:57.267 --> 00:15:00.100
an insurance policy of
$500,000. 

362
00:15:00.100 --> 00:15:01.667
for jai ali player?

363
00:15:01.667 --> 00:15:03.434
The world's top player.

364
00:15:03.434 --> 00:15:05.400
His salary was extraordinary. 

365
00:15:05.400 --> 00:15:06.100
[Kevin] He's the Jeff

366
00:15:06.100 --> 00:15:07.467
Dunham of jai alai. 

367
00:15:07.467 --> 00:15:08.901
Not much time just to 

368
00:15:08.901 --> 00:15:09.934
pay off the policy with

369
00:15:09.934 --> 00:15:11.534
within 90 days. 

370
00:15:11.534 --> 00:15:13.901
So they have to pay up because

371
00:15:13.901 --> 00:15:15.434
it doesn't concern us. 

372
00:15:15.434 --> 00:15:16.400
That's so doctor we have

373
00:15:16.400 --> 00:15:17.701
nothing to worry about, 

374
00:15:17.701 --> 00:15:20.868
[Bill] Edward's loser brother
Gary James Almos

375
00:15:20.868 --> 00:15:25.234
Of some invincible force a
superman..

376
00:15:25.234 --> 00:15:26.367
According to

377
00:15:26.367 --> 00:15:28.000
his dociere he is a man that 

378
00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:29.634
can be dangerous to us. 

379
00:15:29.634 --> 00:15:30.367
[Mike] He's a complicated

380
00:15:30.367 --> 00:15:31.467
man no one understands

381
00:15:31.467 --> 00:15:33.467
him but his woman. 

382
00:15:33.467 --> 00:15:34.300
That no one man

383
00:15:34.300 --> 00:15:35.567
is dangerous to us?

384
00:15:35.567 --> 00:15:37.267
His name is Mike Harbor.

385
00:15:37.267 --> 00:15:38.467
Four years service

386
00:15:38.467 --> 00:15:39.534
with the CIA.

387
00:15:39.534 --> 00:15:41.067
Five years with the detective 

388
00:15:41.067 --> 00:15:42.467
bureau of the Los Angeles

389
00:15:42.467 --> 00:15:43.767
police department.

390
00:15:43.767 --> 00:15:45.100
[Kevin] and flow Bee test
subject 

391
00:15:45.100 --> 00:15:46.534
You've blown three minutes

392
00:15:46.534 --> 00:15:49.767
Forty eight hours ago a jai
alai player

393
00:15:49.767 --> 00:15:52.067
Almol Julio was kidnapped right

394
00:15:52.067 --> 00:15:53.701
here in Manilla. 

395
00:15:53.701 --> 00:15:55.000
And unless he's

396
00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:56.100
found alive it's going to 

397
00:15:56.100 --> 00:15:58.467
cost my company half a million
dollars.

398
00:15:58.467 --> 00:15:59.601
[Bill]and a buttload of

399
00:15:59.601 --> 00:16:01.767
those weird curvy paddles

400
00:16:01.767 --> 00:16:06.934
Could become a fad like
skyjacking.

401
00:16:06.934 --> 00:16:08.133
And get out of hand. 

402
00:16:08.133 --> 00:16:09.868
[Mike] You know fads like
leisure suits or

403
00:16:09.868 --> 00:16:11.834
mail bombs. 

404
00:16:11.834 --> 00:16:14.000
We need a miracle Mr Harbor a
miracle.

405
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:15.167
Miracles come high

406
00:16:15.167 --> 00:16:17.901
ten thousand dollars plus all
expenses.

407
00:16:17.901 --> 00:16:18.901
[Kevin] Bear in mind the
currency here

408
00:16:18.901 --> 00:16:20.133
is coconuts.

409
00:16:20.133 --> 00:16:21.834
When and if you find Julio
alive.

410
00:16:21.834 --> 00:16:23.100
Yeah.

411
00:16:23.100 --> 00:16:27.701
Got a piece of paper?

412
00:16:27.701 --> 00:16:28.467
[Bill] Just make sure I get 

413
00:16:28.467 --> 00:16:30.434
your eyes right here 

414
00:16:30.434 --> 00:16:31.601
Okay.

415
00:16:31.601 --> 00:16:33.267
It's gonna work twenty five
thousand

416
00:16:33.267 --> 00:16:34.300
win lose or draw and if I get

417
00:16:34.300 --> 00:16:36.200
uh what's his name back in one
piece

418
00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:38.667
then I'll settle for 

419
00:16:38.667 --> 00:16:39.334
[Mike] Someone who

420
00:16:39.334 --> 00:16:40.934
loves me for me.

421
00:16:40.934 --> 00:16:42.367
A hundred and sixty thousand? 

422
00:16:42.367 --> 00:16:44.634
That's Impossible. 

423
00:16:44.634 --> 00:16:45.834
My passport. 

424
00:16:45.834 --> 00:16:46.868
Ten percent. 

425
00:16:46.868 --> 00:16:47.767
That's impossible.

426
00:16:47.767 --> 00:16:48.634
My passport. 

427
00:16:48.634 --> 00:16:50.467
Twenty percent. 

428
00:16:50.467 --> 00:16:52.000
[Kevin] and the waiter's number!

429
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:53.767
I can't go a penny higher. 

430
00:16:53.767 --> 00:16:55.267
No one's asking you to it's a
deal. 

431
00:16:55.267 --> 00:16:56.701
Here lay it out

432
00:16:56.701 --> 00:16:59.434
[Bill] Hey! A funka delic
parliament!

433
00:16:59.434 --> 00:17:05.734
* *

434
00:17:05.734 --> 00:17:07.701
[Mike] I trust the Cuban
machine will be

435
00:17:07.701 --> 00:17:09.000
up and running in time

436
00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:14.667
for high tea yes?

437
00:17:14.667 --> 00:17:15.834
[Kevin] No sir you'd want to
watch this

438
00:17:15.834 --> 00:17:16.767
step we had a high 

439
00:17:16.767 --> 00:17:18.834
society orgy last night.

440
00:17:18.834 --> 00:17:20.801
Quite slippery.

441
00:17:20.801 --> 00:17:24.000
* *

442
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:25.934
[Bill] Oh boy hope Alex and his
droods 

443
00:17:25.934 --> 00:17:27.133
don't start singing 

444
00:17:27.133 --> 00:17:28.133
in the rain or this will

445
00:17:28.133 --> 00:17:33.000
get real ugly.

446
00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:35.467
Mr. Paulson this is indeed a
pleasure. 

447
00:17:35.467 --> 00:17:38.701
[Mike] That's my phlegm hand!

448
00:17:45.334 --> 00:17:46.834
[Kevin] He's a guardian angel
trainee. 

449
00:17:46.834 --> 00:17:47.667
Has to work his way up 

450
00:17:47.667 --> 00:17:51.701
to the red beret. 

451
00:17:51.701 --> 00:17:53.467
Mr. Paulson assumes all the 

452
00:17:53.467 --> 00:17:55.267
arrangements have been made.

453
00:17:55.267 --> 00:17:57.901
[Bill] The Dave and Busters
will be closed to the public.

454
00:17:57.901 --> 00:17:58.734
Mike and Sue will be here at

455
00:17:58.734 --> 00:18:00.467
any moment to discuss 

456
00:18:00.467 --> 00:18:01.100
the details of the operation

457
00:18:01.100 --> 00:18:02.434
However there is a

458
00:18:02.434 --> 00:18:03.934
slight matter of a fee

459
00:18:03.934 --> 00:18:05.167
Yes sir.

460
00:18:05.167 --> 00:18:07.634
[Mike] Manuel! Doggy treat!

461
00:18:07.634 --> 00:18:09.167
One million dollars

462
00:18:09.167 --> 00:18:13.000
Now that takes care of the
first part

463
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:17.100
Now for the second.

464
00:18:17.100 --> 00:18:18.267
[Bill] You want to do

465
00:18:18.267 --> 00:18:20.000
WHAT to Jessica Fletcher?

466
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:23.634
Oh my God

467
00:18:23.634 --> 00:18:26.701
Mr Paulson has noted that Dr
Sue 

468
00:18:26.701 --> 00:18:28.133
was expelled from an
international 

469
00:18:28.133 --> 00:18:29.901
medical association.

470
00:18:29.901 --> 00:18:30.834
Dr Sue is a hundred years

471
00:18:30.834 --> 00:18:32.167
ahead of her time 

472
00:18:32.167 --> 00:18:33.200
[Mike] Her floppy

473
00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:34.501
discs are a compact 

474
00:18:34.501 --> 00:18:36.434
five and a quarter inches. 

475
00:18:36.434 --> 00:18:38.601
Mr Paulson has further noted 

476
00:18:38.601 --> 00:18:40.634
that Dr Sue has reported to
perform

477
00:18:40.634 --> 00:18:42.801
unusual experiments on her
patients.

478
00:18:42.801 --> 00:18:45.734
[Kevin] Something called CPR

479
00:18:45.734 --> 00:18:47.968
Her genius and her talent

480
00:18:47.968 --> 00:18:50.667
transcends the question 

481
00:18:50.667 --> 00:18:53.300
of human morality. (gong sounds)

482
00:18:53.300 --> 00:18:55.167
[Bill] Bill But unfortunately 

483
00:18:55.167 --> 00:18:57.067
she cannot transcend racist
musical cues

484
00:18:57.067 --> 00:18:57.968
Mr Paulson was concerned with
the 

485
00:18:57.968 --> 00:18:59.601
outcome of the operation.

486
00:18:59.601 --> 00:19:03.000
Her work is thoroughly
documented

487
00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:04.501
[Mike] Let's make this I gotta
a lot

488
00:19:04.501 --> 00:19:12.467
of witches to accuse.

489
00:19:12.467 --> 00:19:13.767
Kevin] ARghh uhhh

490
00:19:13.767 --> 00:19:16.467
Why I chug all that buttermilk?

491
00:19:16.467 --> 00:19:17.367
You must set your mind at ease

492
00:19:17.367 --> 00:19:19.300
Mr Paulson. 

493
00:19:19.300 --> 00:19:20.901
You are a man who is accustomed
to receive

494
00:19:20.901 --> 00:19:22.767
the very best.

495
00:19:22.767 --> 00:19:24.033
[Bill] As evidenced by 

496
00:19:24.033 --> 00:19:26.267
your homemade kangell

497
00:19:26.267 --> 00:19:27.834
And nothing less. 

498
00:19:27.834 --> 00:19:29.167
Mr Paulson expresses his
appreciation

499
00:19:29.167 --> 00:19:31.567
of your remarkable achievements

500
00:19:31.567 --> 00:19:32.334
and regards you as 

501
00:19:32.334 --> 00:19:34.133
an extraordinary woman.

502
00:19:34.133 --> 00:19:35.968
[Mike] Had to double check
there. 

503
00:19:35.968 --> 00:19:38.000
He finds the terms of the
financial 

504
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:40.334
agreement somewhat
unsatisfactory to him.

505
00:19:40.334 --> 00:19:41.667
There are no

506
00:19:41.667 --> 00:19:43.801
guarantees and no recourse

507
00:19:43.801 --> 00:19:45.033
I often amuse myself with the

508
00:19:45.033 --> 00:19:46.734
provocative image that death 

509
00:19:46.734 --> 00:19:48.834
has to be seduced by a woman. 

510
00:19:48.834 --> 00:19:49.667
[Kevin] As seen in Larry King

511
00:19:49.667 --> 00:19:51.234
wedding photos. 

512
00:19:51.234 --> 00:19:52.701
A medical fact. 

513
00:19:52.701 --> 00:19:54.734
It is now possible for me

514
00:19:54.734 --> 00:19:56.400
to transplant your brain into
the body 

515
00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:59.767
of a healthy young virile
athlete. 

516
00:19:59.767 --> 00:20:03.667
[Bill] Oh Dorothy Hamill, pick
Dorothy Hamill. 

517
00:20:07.100 --> 00:20:09.767
The language it is a difficult
one.

518
00:20:09.767 --> 00:20:12.300
The outside possibility of a
murder charge.

519
00:20:12.300 --> 00:20:15.300
[Mike] Is that the case that
they gave me?? 

520
00:20:15.300 --> 00:20:16.868
To manage your position in

521
00:20:16.868 --> 00:20:18.567
part the legality issue

522
00:20:18.567 --> 00:20:20.133
is purely academic.

523
00:20:20.133 --> 00:20:22.767
[Bill] Where can I spit out
this gum??

524
00:20:22.767 --> 00:20:25.200
Immortality.

525
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:28.000
[Bill] Slightly younger Mr
Burns 

526
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:31.467
and slightly gayer Smithers

527
00:20:31.467 --> 00:20:32.801
What remains to be done? 

528
00:20:32.801 --> 00:20:34.501
It's a simple matter of
arithmetic.

529
00:20:34.501 --> 00:20:36.400
Fifty percent of all your
holdings,

530
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:37.901
in exchange for a

531
00:20:37.901 --> 00:20:40.100
hundred percent of eternity.

532
00:20:40.100 --> 00:20:41.067
[Mike] You just blew eighty

533
00:20:41.067 --> 00:20:43.734
three percent of my mind

534
00:20:43.734 --> 00:20:47.601
* *

535
00:20:47.601 --> 00:20:50.167
[Kevin] wow he made a great
choice!!

536
00:20:50.167 --> 00:20:56.100
* *

537
00:20:56.100 --> 00:20:59.901
[[Bill]] Whew, pawn to queens
knight two, take a shot

538
00:20:59.901 --> 00:21:02.834
* *

539
00:21:02.834 --> 00:21:05.667
[Mike] Squeaky no!!

540
00:21:05.667 --> 00:21:06.868
I'll bet you get your kicks

541
00:21:06.868 --> 00:21:08.367
out of playing with guns.

542
00:21:08.367 --> 00:21:11.267
I don't play with guns.

543
00:21:11.267 --> 00:21:12.400
I don't like you. 

544
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:13.467
Leave her alone Laura.

545
00:21:13.467 --> 00:21:16.100
I don't trust her.

546
00:21:16.100 --> 00:21:17.634
[Bill] think she's in her mid
forties. 

547
00:21:17.634 --> 00:21:19.167
She's too emotional

548
00:21:19.167 --> 00:21:21.367
You all heard what a certain
doctor

549
00:21:21.367 --> 00:21:22.868
thinks about emotions revealing

550
00:21:22.868 --> 00:21:24.200
weaknesses. 

551
00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:27.701
[Mike] Laura if you bring up
House one more time

552
00:21:27.701 --> 00:21:29.534
Well the contessa has spoken. 

553
00:21:29.534 --> 00:21:30.534
Stay out this.

554
00:21:30.534 --> 00:21:32.334
I can take care of myself. 

555
00:21:32.334 --> 00:21:33.033
[Bill] Who gave that 

556
00:21:33.033 --> 00:21:35.267
Denny's waitress a gun?

557
00:21:35.267 --> 00:21:37.067
Why don't you and Vera get
together 

558
00:21:37.067 --> 00:21:38.267
and try brain sex? 

559
00:21:38.267 --> 00:21:39.267
I heard it eliminates

560
00:21:39.267 --> 00:21:40.534
emotional disorders.

561
00:21:40.534 --> 00:21:41.634
[Mike] Brain sex?

562
00:21:41.634 --> 00:21:42.767
Oh please don't let Sting 

563
00:21:42.767 --> 00:21:44.133
hear about this

564
00:21:44.133 --> 00:21:45.234
What are you waiting for?

565
00:21:45.234 --> 00:21:47.234
The right time.

566
00:21:47.234 --> 00:21:49.267
The right place. 

567
00:21:49.267 --> 00:21:52.400
[Kevin] Beef Cake O Gram!

568
00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:53.734
Well what have we got here?

569
00:21:53.734 --> 00:21:59.033
I think I'll take um 

570
00:21:59.033 --> 00:22:00.367
[Bill] Young Steve Jobs. 

571
00:22:00.367 --> 00:22:02.734
Hands off bitch

572
00:22:02.734 --> 00:22:05.434
He's mine. 

573
00:22:05.434 --> 00:22:08.601
Tonight only sweetheart

574
00:22:08.601 --> 00:22:12.667
(indistinct)

575
00:22:12.667 --> 00:22:14.100
Eighteen degrees below zero
centigrade.

576
00:22:14.100 --> 00:22:16.033
Yes doctor. 

577
00:22:16.033 --> 00:22:17.634
[Mike] And don't

578
00:22:17.634 --> 00:22:18.968
batter fry them this time.

579
00:22:18.968 --> 00:22:20.868
Condition Normal

580
00:22:24.067 --> 00:22:25.267
Lorenzo how do you know for
sure 

581
00:22:25.267 --> 00:22:26.033
that these athletes 

582
00:22:26.033 --> 00:22:27.267
have been kidnapped?

583
00:22:27.267 --> 00:22:28.400
Well we don't.

584
00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:29.968
[Bill] Oh miss those are a wax
display.

585
00:22:29.968 --> 00:22:30.934
Miss miss!

586
00:22:30.934 --> 00:22:31.734
How many?

587
00:22:31.734 --> 00:22:32.734
Fourteen. 

588
00:22:32.734 --> 00:22:34.167
All over the world. 

589
00:22:34.167 --> 00:22:36.000
They were the cream off the

590
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:37.534
top the best athletes in the
world. 

591
00:22:37.534 --> 00:22:38.801
You know a few things 

592
00:22:38.801 --> 00:22:39.901
bother me Lorenzo. 

593
00:22:39.901 --> 00:22:41.000
Yeah.

594
00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:42.734
[Mike] Well I think a bunch of
hot women

595
00:22:42.734 --> 00:22:44.000
have been checking me out
recently.

596
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:46.567
Not even a ransom note. 

597
00:22:46.567 --> 00:22:48.634
Nobody's and no answers. 

598
00:22:48.634 --> 00:22:50.167
That's true and that leaves us

599
00:22:50.167 --> 00:22:52.167
with a whole lot of unanswered
questions. 

600
00:22:52.167 --> 00:22:53.701
[Kevin] Oh good so I'm not the
only one. 

601
00:22:53.701 --> 00:22:54.767
Do you know where you found 

602
00:22:54.767 --> 00:22:55.634
what's his name the

603
00:22:55.634 --> 00:22:56.634
jai alai player's car?

604
00:22:56.634 --> 00:22:57.767
Yeah sure take you there

605
00:22:57.767 --> 00:22:59.067
first thing in the morning. 

606
00:22:59.067 --> 00:23:00.200
Might as well tell you

607
00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:02.334
police came up with a big fat
zero.

608
00:23:02.334 --> 00:23:03.667
[Bill] Speaking of which

609
00:23:03.667 --> 00:23:06.000
is that a hipster I see?

610
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.467
Lorenzo..

611
00:23:08.467 --> 00:23:10.367
Do you have some money I can
borrow?

612
00:23:10.367 --> 00:23:12.400
Naturally.

613
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:13.901
And don't worry I'll pay you
back. 

614
00:23:13.901 --> 00:23:18.000
[Kevin] Pay me back?? Ha ha ha.

615
00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:19.601
Classic.* *

616
00:23:19.601 --> 00:23:25.334
* *

617
00:23:25.334 --> 00:23:26.434
[Bill] Oh no is this going in 

618
00:23:26.434 --> 00:23:29.067
a Larry Craig direction?

619
00:23:29.067 --> 00:23:36.100
* *

620
00:23:36.100 --> 00:23:37.334
* *[Mike] Now to reel you in

621
00:23:37.334 --> 00:23:41.601
my hairy little fish.

622
00:23:41.601 --> 00:23:44.701
[Bill] Must move slowly

623
00:23:44.701 --> 00:23:47.067
don't want to startle it.

624
00:23:47.067 --> 00:23:52.868
* *

625
00:23:52.868 --> 00:23:56.601
[Bill] Hand over the black
market Propecia kid

626
00:23:56.601 --> 00:23:58.167
You busted me. 

627
00:23:58.167 --> 00:24:00.367
What do you want to know.

628
00:24:00.367 --> 00:24:01.734
You American?

629
00:24:01.734 --> 00:24:03.334
I'm only a human being. 

630
00:24:03.334 --> 00:24:06.200
[Mike] Well I'm 29% neck beard

631
00:24:06.200 --> 00:24:07.734
You were gonna pull

632
00:24:07.734 --> 00:24:08.634
my number out of a hat.

633
00:24:08.634 --> 00:24:10.167
Put a gun in my hand

634
00:24:10.167 --> 00:24:11.601
So I split.

635
00:24:11.601 --> 00:24:13.300
I need some information. 

636
00:24:13.300 --> 00:24:14.400
[Kevin] Like what the hell's up
with

637
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:16.167
those durion fruits? 

638
00:24:16.167 --> 00:24:17.033
The night that car

639
00:24:17.033 --> 00:24:18.167
was abandoned here.

640
00:24:18.167 --> 00:24:19.868
You see anything?

641
00:24:19.868 --> 00:24:21.067
Weird trip. 

642
00:24:21.067 --> 00:24:22.701
I'm sitting here

643
00:24:22.701 --> 00:24:24.334
working you know doing my
thing? 

644
00:24:24.334 --> 00:24:26.033
[Bill] working on my memoirs. 

645
00:24:26.033 --> 00:24:27.067
Then a hearse drives up

646
00:24:27.067 --> 00:24:28.467
Followed by this caddy
limousine 

647
00:24:28.467 --> 00:24:29.000
with two chicks in the back
seat. 

648
00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:29.734
It parked

649
00:24:29.734 --> 00:24:31.033
right over there. 

650
00:24:31.033 --> 00:24:32.200
[Mike] UGH he's making this
less 

651
00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:34.667
interesting than a Jeopardy
anecdote.

652
00:24:34.667 --> 00:24:36.400
And they carry a body over

653
00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:37.801
to the hearse they put it in

654
00:24:37.801 --> 00:24:39.801
to a casket and they just split.

655
00:24:39.801 --> 00:24:41.033
See anything else? 

656
00:24:41.033 --> 00:24:42.334
Who knows man? 

657
00:24:42.334 --> 00:24:44.300
I'm blind remember?

658
00:24:44.300 --> 00:24:45.934
[Bill] Thanks to his 

659
00:24:45.934 --> 00:24:46.868
fake blindness he has

660
00:24:46.868 --> 00:24:50.033
fake super hearing.

661
00:24:50.033 --> 00:24:51.467
Yeah the writing on the door 

662
00:24:51.467 --> 00:24:54.100
of the hearse said Seaside
Chapel

663
00:24:54.100 --> 00:24:55.334
[Mike] Where Susie gives sermons

664
00:24:55.334 --> 00:24:57.000
about selling sea shells

665
00:24:57.000 --> 00:24:59.801
That would be won ton Charlie. 

666
00:24:59.801 --> 00:25:00.934
That's fine. 

667
00:25:00.934 --> 00:25:02.367
Hey man I'm no fake

668
00:25:02.367 --> 00:25:04.167
I got my interests to protect. 

669
00:25:04.167 --> 00:25:05.167
I've got a business here. 

670
00:25:05.167 --> 00:25:06.133
It's called

671
00:25:06.133 --> 00:25:07.467
Began Enterprises.

672
00:25:07.467 --> 00:25:08.467
I've got seventy five dudes 

673
00:25:08.467 --> 00:25:10.701
working corners just like this
one.

674
00:25:10.701 --> 00:25:11.367
[Bill] Draft dodging pan
handlers today

675
00:25:11.367 --> 00:25:13.000
just don't have the 

676
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:14.000
same entrepreneurial 

677
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:15.767
spirt they used to. 

678
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:20.567
[Kevin] Hey you like to party? 

679
00:25:20.567 --> 00:25:21.667
What do you know about a chapel
by the Sea

680
00:25:21.667 --> 00:25:23.400
or Seaside Chapel? 

681
00:25:23.400 --> 00:25:25.033
Never heard of it. 

682
00:25:25.033 --> 00:25:26.534
[Kevin] and I know all the hot
chapels.

683
00:25:26.534 --> 00:25:28.267
That's where the hearse came
from.

684
00:25:28.267 --> 00:25:30.234
You ever heard of a dude named
Won Ton..

685
00:25:30.234 --> 00:25:33.067
Won Ton Charlie? 

686
00:25:33.067 --> 00:25:34.367
Won Ton Charlie? 

687
00:25:34.367 --> 00:25:35.634
You might try the city of
death. 

688
00:25:35.634 --> 00:25:40.334
[Bill] Used to be called
Deathburg.

689
00:25:40.334 --> 00:25:43.801
[Mike] Tweet deleted.

690
00:25:43.801 --> 00:25:45.033
City of death huh? 

691
00:25:45.033 --> 00:25:47.501
That's right mister mike.

692
00:25:47.501 --> 00:25:49.634
This is the chinese cemetery.

693
00:25:49.634 --> 00:25:50.901
Very spooky.

694
00:25:50.901 --> 00:25:52.300
[Kevin] Airy colorful bright

695
00:25:52.300 --> 00:25:55.667
sunny VERY spooky!

696
00:25:55.667 --> 00:25:59.567
You honor my dead with your
presence?

697
00:25:59.567 --> 00:26:01.234
Mister Harbor. 

698
00:26:01.234 --> 00:26:02.234
[Bill] Yeesh those dead 

699
00:26:02.234 --> 00:26:03.300
need to raise the

700
00:26:03.300 --> 00:26:07.801
bar a little.

701
00:26:07.801 --> 00:26:09.000
You Won Ton Charlie?

702
00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:12.467
Euphemism.

703
00:26:12.467 --> 00:26:14.467
Slang Mr Harbor.

704
00:26:14.467 --> 00:26:15.634
[Kevin] Ah like everyone

705
00:26:15.634 --> 00:26:16.934
calls me Fart Face. 

706
00:26:16.934 --> 00:26:19.467
Unlike in America

707
00:26:19.467 --> 00:26:22.000
here in the City of Death

708
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.300
tombs are chambers of 

709
00:26:24.300 --> 00:26:26.467
peace and tranquility. 

710
00:26:26.467 --> 00:26:27.868
[Bill] Don't laugh at his

711
00:26:27.868 --> 00:26:30.133
teeth man, keep it together.

712
00:26:30.133 --> 00:26:31.367
Here we welcome

713
00:26:31.367 --> 00:26:33.734
death Mr. Harbor. 

714
00:26:33.734 --> 00:26:35.334
May I offer you some

715
00:26:35.334 --> 00:26:36.634
refreshments. 

716
00:26:36.634 --> 00:26:38.033
Some tea perhaps? 

717
00:26:38.033 --> 00:26:39.767
[Mike] Death tea with death
cream

718
00:26:39.767 --> 00:26:41.367
and death sugar?

719
00:26:41.367 --> 00:26:43.634
Information. 

720
00:26:43.634 --> 00:26:46.367
That is a priceless commodity. 

721
00:26:46.367 --> 00:26:48.067
I just like sex. 

722
00:26:48.067 --> 00:26:49.300
[Kevin] What???

723
00:26:49.300 --> 00:26:50.601
Since you're so wired in death

724
00:26:50.601 --> 00:26:51.567
what can tell me about

725
00:26:51.567 --> 00:26:53.667
a chapel by the sea? 

726
00:26:53.667 --> 00:26:55.167
I know of no such chapel. 

727
00:26:55.167 --> 00:26:56.033
[Bill] There are no

728
00:26:56.033 --> 00:26:56.901
chapels along any of the 

729
00:26:56.901 --> 00:26:58.000
coastlines of the thousands 

730
00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:00.133
of islands of the Philippines.

731
00:27:00.133 --> 00:27:01.834
Is that a riddle?

732
00:27:01.834 --> 00:27:04.234
No man it's a Chinese puzzle.

733
00:27:04.234 --> 00:27:05.767
[Mike] Like that woven tubey
thing

734
00:27:05.767 --> 00:27:08.334
I got my finger stuck in for a
week once

735
00:27:08.334 --> 00:27:14.067
An offering to your ancestors. 

736
00:27:14.067 --> 00:27:15.801
[Kevin] You should have 

737
00:27:15.801 --> 00:27:17.033
offered them marshmallows and
weiners

738
00:27:17.033 --> 00:27:19.000
Two to go.

739
00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:23.767
Crude but straight to the
point. 

740
00:27:23.767 --> 00:27:26.334
[Bill] Like a dull rusty prison
shank! 

741
00:27:26.334 --> 00:27:28.267
Who might be of interest? to
you. 

742
00:27:28.267 --> 00:27:29.901
Where can I find him? 

743
00:27:29.901 --> 00:27:31.534
At the cockpits.

744
00:27:31.534 --> 00:27:33.968
What's selling?

745
00:27:33.968 --> 00:27:35.567
[Mike] Cock accessories, 

746
00:27:35.567 --> 00:27:37.200
cock insurance.

747
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:38.601
What's a net full of fish?

748
00:27:38.601 --> 00:27:40.400
Not fish Mr Harbor.

749
00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:42.000
Human bones. 

750
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.601
[Kevin] For a soup

751
00:27:49.667 --> 00:27:51.067
* *

752
00:27:51.067 --> 00:27:52.000
[Bill] Hey guys guys 

753
00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:53.467
you wanna see a dead parrot? 

754
00:27:53.467 --> 00:27:56.567
* *

755
00:27:56.567 --> 00:28:00.334
* *

756
00:28:00.334 --> 00:28:01.133
[Mike] New pope's

757
00:28:01.133 --> 00:28:02.834
gonna start riding 

758
00:28:02.834 --> 00:28:03.868
around in one of these soon. 

759
00:28:03.868 --> 00:28:04.701
He's so chill and fun

760
00:28:04.701 --> 00:28:09.100
* *

761
00:28:09.100 --> 00:28:10.934
(shot fires) 

762
00:28:10.934 --> 00:28:12.601
[Kevin] Oh no they got lasers!!

763
00:28:12.601 --> 00:28:16.901
* *

764
00:28:16.901 --> 00:28:19.601
(shots fires) 

765
00:28:19.601 --> 00:28:20.734
[Bill] Come on bad guys

766
00:28:20.734 --> 00:28:24.467
just a company car for your
goons.

767
00:28:24.467 --> 00:28:29.901
(shots fire)

768
00:28:29.901 --> 00:28:31.400
[Kevin] Pretty gear up on 

769
00:28:31.400 --> 00:28:34.834
an antique firearms museum?

770
00:28:34.834 --> 00:28:37.601
(crash)

771
00:28:37.601 --> 00:28:41.133
(shots fire)

772
00:28:41.133 --> 00:28:43.400
(shots fire)

773
00:28:43.400 --> 00:28:44.367
[Bill] Damn peasants

774
00:28:44.367 --> 00:28:45.167
leaving their exploding

775
00:28:45.167 --> 00:28:48.000
carts in the street!

776
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:50.567
* *

777
00:28:50.567 --> 00:28:57.100
[Kevin] Leisure suit Larry is
the Bourne Supremacy

778
00:28:57.100 --> 00:29:02.901
* *

779
00:29:02.901 --> 00:29:03.767
[Mike] Are you sure ditching 

780
00:29:03.767 --> 00:29:05.033
the slow moving exploding mopeds

781
00:29:05.033 --> 00:29:07.167
is a good idea?

782
00:29:07.167 --> 00:29:10.033
* *

783
00:29:10.033 --> 00:29:11.100
[Bill] Next they take a short
cut

784
00:29:11.100 --> 00:29:13.634
through Ferris Bueler's
neighbors yard

785
00:29:13.634 --> 00:29:20.234
* *

786
00:29:20.234 --> 00:29:22.234
[Kevin] I have to tinkle.

787
00:29:22.234 --> 00:29:23.167
Can you just wait up a second
so I can

788
00:29:23.167 --> 00:29:24.133
go in these hedges?

789
00:29:24.133 --> 00:29:25.033
[Mike] Dammit I told you

790
00:29:25.033 --> 00:29:26.167
to go before we swarmed. 

791
00:29:26.167 --> 00:29:26.901
[Kevin] Oh I gotta go!!

792
00:29:26.901 --> 00:29:33.701
* *

793
00:29:33.701 --> 00:29:35.567
[Bill] Why didn't I

794
00:29:35.567 --> 00:29:36.767
pay more attention to Rick
Steve's

795
00:29:36.767 --> 00:29:38.400
guide to fleeing in the
Philippines?

796
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:43.534
* *(humming of motor)

797
00:29:43.534 --> 00:29:49.467
(humming of motor)

798
00:29:49.467 --> 00:29:50.367
[Kevin] Learned this technique
from

799
00:29:50.367 --> 00:29:51.667
the gun's original 

800
00:29:51.667 --> 00:29:55.434
owner Chrispus Attucks

801
00:29:55.434 --> 00:29:57.133
Aggh!!

802
00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:03.434
[Bill] did he make his gun in
shop class?

803
00:30:03.434 --> 00:30:07.567
* *

804
00:30:07.567 --> 00:30:10.634
* *

805
00:30:10.634 --> 00:30:11.567
[Kevin] Can't believe he

806
00:30:11.567 --> 00:30:13.434
the old gypsy woman was right--

807
00:30:13.434 --> 00:30:14.934
I will have a sweaty jai alai
related death

808
00:30:14.934 --> 00:30:19.434
* *

809
00:30:19.434 --> 00:30:20.334
[Bill] Manilla Come for 

810
00:30:20.334 --> 00:30:21.300
the oppressive heat

811
00:30:21.300 --> 00:30:23.701
Stay for the endless gates

812
00:30:23.701 --> 00:30:26.601
* *

813
00:30:26.601 --> 00:30:29.601
[Kevin] Got your nose, ah
trachea

814
00:30:34.133 --> 00:30:35.167
Oww!! 

815
00:30:35.167 --> 00:30:37.334
[Mike] Weaponized tape

816
00:30:43.701 --> 00:30:46.634
[Kevin] Here comes Wrangler I'm
one tough 

817
00:30:46.634 --> 00:30:48.767
customer. 

818
00:30:48.767 --> 00:30:50.067
I guess. 

819
00:30:50.067 --> 00:30:51.100
Hey number one?

820
00:30:51.100 --> 00:30:52.267
Yes?

821
00:30:52.267 --> 00:30:53.801
Everything alright down there?

822
00:30:53.801 --> 00:30:54.634
[Kevin] A man's got a right

823
00:30:54.634 --> 00:30:55.467
to fiddle with his own

824
00:30:55.467 --> 00:30:57.367
dip stick under his own taxi! 

825
00:30:57.367 --> 00:30:59.501
Mr Mike!

826
00:30:59.501 --> 00:31:00.734
Looks like someone does not

827
00:31:00.734 --> 00:31:03.501
like you so much huh?

828
00:31:03.501 --> 00:31:05.234
[Mike] Someone's gotta tell 

829
00:31:05.234 --> 00:31:06.634
the truth about chem-trails

830
00:31:06.634 --> 00:31:09.133
Ahhh.

831
00:31:14.133 --> 00:31:15.467
[Bill] Hey it's just like the

832
00:31:15.467 --> 00:31:16.834
Pete Seeger song...

833
00:31:16.834 --> 00:31:17.934
Ain't going down to 

834
00:31:17.934 --> 00:31:19.534
them cockfights no more. 

835
00:31:19.534 --> 00:31:20.968
[Kevin] If I had

836
00:31:20.968 --> 00:31:22.667
a cock I'd fight 

837
00:31:22.667 --> 00:31:25.300
it in the morning!! (singing)

838
00:31:25.300 --> 00:31:29.133
(crowd cheering)

839
00:31:29.133 --> 00:31:34.467
(cheering)

840
00:31:34.467 --> 00:31:35.434
[Mike] this is happening 

841
00:31:35.434 --> 00:31:36.467
in your stomach every time

842
00:31:36.467 --> 00:31:39.300
you eat a KFC double down.

843
00:31:39.300 --> 00:31:45.033
(cheering)

844
00:31:45.033 --> 00:31:46.367
[Kevin] Look closely you'll 

845
00:31:46.367 --> 00:31:48.000
see the chicken's dads screaming

846
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:50.067
at them from the bleachers.

847
00:31:50.067 --> 00:31:52.434
Come on what was that???

848
00:31:52.434 --> 00:31:57.868
(indistinct)

849
00:31:57.868 --> 00:31:58.834
[Bill] A young Tony Montana

850
00:31:58.834 --> 00:32:01.367
makes his move

851
00:32:01.367 --> 00:32:06.534
(indistinct)

852
00:32:06.534 --> 00:32:09.133
He say

853
00:32:09.133 --> 00:32:11.000
[Mike] He says my name is not

854
00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:11.834
masteroshi and I cannot teach
you the

855
00:32:11.834 --> 00:32:13.834
Commy Hommy Ha!!

856
00:32:13.834 --> 00:32:14.701
He has two friends who

857
00:32:14.701 --> 00:32:16.400
have two fishing boats

858
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:17.834
They went near the shore. 

859
00:32:17.834 --> 00:32:19.801
We never heard of them since.

860
00:32:19.801 --> 00:32:21.567
I've heard about these human
bones.

861
00:32:21.567 --> 00:32:22.901
[Kevin] Does he know the

862
00:32:22.901 --> 00:32:24.434
dangers of osteoporosis?

863
00:32:24.434 --> 00:32:25.434
Does he know that 

864
00:32:25.434 --> 00:32:27.167
treatment is available?

865
00:32:27.167 --> 00:32:30.901
(indistinct)

866
00:32:30.901 --> 00:32:37.801
(indistinct)

867
00:32:37.801 --> 00:32:38.934
He says 

868
00:32:38.934 --> 00:32:40.133
[Bill] He says what's up with

869
00:32:40.133 --> 00:32:41.901
Marvel's Agents of Shield? 

870
00:32:41.901 --> 00:32:43.167
Some times it's pretty righteous

871
00:32:43.167 --> 00:32:44.801
but other times it's like uh

872
00:32:44.801 --> 00:32:45.968
totally mad. 

873
00:32:45.968 --> 00:32:47.968
Human bones.

874
00:32:47.968 --> 00:32:51.667
Lots of sharks in the sea. 

875
00:32:51.667 --> 00:32:53.067
Lots of sharks.

876
00:32:53.067 --> 00:32:54.000
[Mike] Lots of shark was 

877
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:56.300
the Filipino title for Jaws

878
00:32:56.300 --> 00:33:02.567
(indistinct yelling)

879
00:33:02.567 --> 00:33:03.734
[Kevin] Ah I make the same
faces when 

880
00:33:03.734 --> 00:33:04.868
the car dealer tries to sell me
the

881
00:33:04.868 --> 00:33:07.133
undercoating. 

882
00:33:07.133 --> 00:33:11.868
(cheering of crowd)

883
00:33:11.868 --> 00:33:16.167
(cheering)

884
00:33:16.167 --> 00:33:19.467
(cheering)

885
00:33:19.467 --> 00:33:21.501
[Mike] Van Halen Van Hagar!

886
00:33:21.501 --> 00:33:25.267
(cheering)

887
00:33:25.267 --> 00:33:28.934
[Kevin] He told you don't

888
00:33:28.934 --> 00:33:30.067
you ever flap

889
00:33:30.067 --> 00:33:30.901
around here. 

890
00:33:30.901 --> 00:33:32.567
Don't want to see your 

891
00:33:32.567 --> 00:33:33.267
beak you better disappear!

892
00:33:33.267 --> 00:33:35.501
BAWK!!

893
00:33:35.501 --> 00:33:40.033
* *

894
00:33:40.033 --> 00:33:41.467
[Bill] Oh crank it home the 

895
00:33:41.467 --> 00:33:42.167
wife's gonna ask

896
00:33:42.167 --> 00:33:43.934
What did you do at 

897
00:33:43.934 --> 00:33:45.000
work today hon? Well watched 

898
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:45.601
a ten minute long animal

899
00:33:45.601 --> 00:33:46.767
abuse sequence?

900
00:33:46.767 --> 00:33:48.234
How about you?

901
00:33:48.234 --> 00:33:50.901
[Kevin] Rewarding.

902
00:33:50.901 --> 00:33:55.200
* *

903
00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:56.067
[Mike] Weirdest Big Brother

904
00:33:56.067 --> 00:33:58.467
program ever

905
00:33:58.467 --> 00:34:01.267
* *

906
00:34:01.267 --> 00:34:07.234
* *

907
00:34:07.234 --> 00:34:08.234
[Kevin] Da da da da kill! 

908
00:34:08.234 --> 00:34:09.167
Da da da da gauge!

909
00:34:09.167 --> 00:34:10.033
Da da da

910
00:34:10.033 --> 00:34:17.567
slash slash kill kill!!

911
00:34:17.567 --> 00:34:19.033
[Bill] If Darren Arnofsky 

912
00:34:19.033 --> 00:34:22.133
directed Chicken Little.....

913
00:34:22.133 --> 00:34:26.267
* *

914
00:34:26.267 --> 00:34:29.267
[Mike] the cameo by Keith
Richards coke nail

915
00:34:29.267 --> 00:34:37.334
* *

916
00:34:37.334 --> 00:34:38.133
Let's get out of here. 

917
00:34:38.133 --> 00:34:39.434
Ask him to meet us outside.

918
00:34:39.434 --> 00:34:41.200
[Kevin] They're bathing a bear

919
00:34:41.200 --> 00:34:42.367
out there I don't want to miss
it

920
00:34:42.367 --> 00:34:45.634
(bell rings) 

921
00:34:45.634 --> 00:34:46.701
[Bill]And thus the old saying

922
00:34:46.701 --> 00:34:48.801
Not by cock fighting spurs

923
00:34:48.801 --> 00:34:51.067
deep in thy own esophagus.

924
00:34:51.067 --> 00:34:54.200
(buzzing)

925
00:34:54.200 --> 00:35:00.734
(buzzing)

926
00:35:00.734 --> 00:35:01.601
[Mike] And this is where we keep

927
00:35:01.601 --> 00:35:02.567
the migraine inducing

928
00:35:02.567 --> 00:35:04.534
buck rogers crap

929
00:35:04.534 --> 00:35:10.801
(buzzing)

930
00:35:10.801 --> 00:35:12.667
Our track star has run the mile

931
00:35:12.667 --> 00:35:13.968
in three and a half minutes. 

932
00:35:13.968 --> 00:35:15.133
Quite remarkable. 

933
00:35:15.133 --> 00:35:16.033
[Kevin] It's also been flavored 

934
00:35:16.033 --> 00:35:18.100
sealed to lock in freshness. 

935
00:35:18.100 --> 00:35:19.234
Raise the brain wave cycles 

936
00:35:19.234 --> 00:35:20.300
from theta to alpha

937
00:35:20.300 --> 00:35:21.667
And restore him to
consciousness. 

938
00:35:21.667 --> 00:35:23.200
I want some tonight.

939
00:35:23.200 --> 00:35:24.167
This is the second time

940
00:35:24.167 --> 00:35:25.334
this week dear. 

941
00:35:25.334 --> 00:35:28.367
You should show more restraint.

942
00:35:28.367 --> 00:35:29.701
The old fashioned way of sex
runs

943
00:35:29.701 --> 00:35:32.434
the risks of involving the
emotions

944
00:35:32.434 --> 00:35:34.200
[Bill] You know like fear and
shame

945
00:35:34.200 --> 00:35:36.634
and slightly different kind of
shame. 

946
00:35:36.634 --> 00:35:38.167
I speak for all of us. 

947
00:35:38.167 --> 00:35:39.501
Brain sex may work for you

948
00:35:39.501 --> 00:35:40.567
But some of us

949
00:35:40.567 --> 00:35:42.267
still prefer physical contact.

950
00:35:42.267 --> 00:35:43.901
There'll come a time

951
00:35:43.901 --> 00:35:45.000
when physical contact 

952
00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:46.167
will be unheard of 

953
00:35:46.167 --> 00:35:47.734
[Mike] Yeah it's called

954
00:35:47.734 --> 00:35:49.067
marriage am I right?

955
00:35:49.067 --> 00:35:50.033
[all guys] ahh ah ha ha oh!! 

956
00:35:50.033 --> 00:35:51.133
Physical sensation

957
00:35:51.133 --> 00:35:53.734
and eliminates emotional
disorders. 

958
00:35:53.734 --> 00:35:55.934
[Kevin] Now if you'll excuse

959
00:35:55.934 --> 00:35:57.133
me I need to dress like a 

960
00:35:57.133 --> 00:35:58.467
saran wrapped quaker and 

961
00:35:58.467 --> 00:36:00.534
harvest a track star's spleen

962
00:36:00.534 --> 00:36:02.701
Yes Dr Sue on the fourth level.

963
00:36:02.701 --> 00:36:05.934
Attention Dr Sue your 

964
00:36:05.934 --> 00:36:09.100
call to Won Ton is now ready

965
00:36:09.100 --> 00:36:11.801
I'll take it here on the PA
system 

966
00:36:11.801 --> 00:36:13.434
[Bill] I've installed

967
00:36:13.434 --> 00:36:15.934
one in the patient's
gallbladder.

968
00:36:15.934 --> 00:36:17.734
This is Won Ton. 

969
00:36:17.734 --> 00:36:20.400
It has come to my attention Won
Ton

970
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:23.167
[Mike] That you're named after
an appetizer.

971
00:36:23.167 --> 00:36:25.067
You need to improve the 

972
00:36:25.067 --> 00:36:26.968
status of your help. 

973
00:36:26.968 --> 00:36:28.267
Mr Harbor has proven to be

974
00:36:28.267 --> 00:36:29.634
resourceful

975
00:36:29.634 --> 00:36:31.467
He eliminated six of my men. 

976
00:36:31.467 --> 00:36:32.400
[Kevin] and he mocked my

977
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:34.300
Larry Dennis robe. 

978
00:36:34.300 --> 00:36:36.267
I suggest to you that Mr
Harbor represents a

979
00:36:36.267 --> 00:36:38.400
threat to your security. 

980
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:40.267
The only threat to my security

981
00:36:40.267 --> 00:36:43.067
is an associates inability to
perform.

982
00:36:43.067 --> 00:36:44.534
[Bill] don't worry Won Ton

983
00:36:44.534 --> 00:36:46.434
it happens often in older men. 

984
00:36:46.434 --> 00:36:47.968
Well now it concerns you

985
00:36:47.968 --> 00:36:50.634
shall determine Mr Harbor's
fate. 

986
00:36:50.634 --> 00:36:52.200
[Mike] Prediction Gonorrhea and
a 

987
00:36:52.200 --> 00:36:54.801
flop house in Old San Juan. 

988
00:36:54.801 --> 00:36:56.234
As you say doctor.

989
00:36:56.234 --> 00:37:00.567
We are ready to surgically
adhere

990
00:37:00.567 --> 00:37:02.434
the sperm duct. 

991
00:37:02.434 --> 00:37:03.868
[Kevin] And playing the 

992
00:37:03.868 --> 00:37:05.767
part of the surgically

993
00:37:05.767 --> 00:37:12.634
adhered sperm duct--this guy!
* *

994
00:37:12.634 --> 00:37:14.667
* *Three of those um Bloody
Marys. 

995
00:37:14.667 --> 00:37:15.834
[Bill] oooo--this is setting

996
00:37:15.834 --> 00:37:17.033
up a thrilling scene 

997
00:37:17.033 --> 00:37:19.367
later where Harbor asks for the
check! 

998
00:37:19.367 --> 00:37:21.434
There are no funeral homes in
Manilla.

999
00:37:21.434 --> 00:37:23.734
called Chapel by the Sea. 

1000
00:37:23.734 --> 00:37:25.534
They all keep quiet and

1001
00:37:25.534 --> 00:37:26.334
they talk about the islands. 

1002
00:37:26.334 --> 00:37:28.000
We did get an interesting

1003
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:29.334
report from the United States.

1004
00:37:29.334 --> 00:37:31.033
[Mike] I'm afraid it's
stagflation. 

1005
00:37:31.033 --> 00:37:32.834
A hearse was used in the

1006
00:37:32.834 --> 00:37:35.300
abduction of a basketball
player. 

1007
00:37:35.300 --> 00:37:36.667
Then it ties in with blind
begger. 

1008
00:37:36.667 --> 00:37:38.534
[Kevin] Um we prefer

1009
00:37:38.534 --> 00:37:39.667
the term visually impaired
indigent

1010
00:37:39.667 --> 00:37:41.067
if you please 

1011
00:37:41.067 --> 00:37:41.701
There was a coffin shipped to

1012
00:37:41.701 --> 00:37:42.968
Manilla. 

1013
00:37:42.968 --> 00:37:43.868
It was accompanied by uh

1014
00:37:43.868 --> 00:37:46.801
two women dressed in mourning.

1015
00:37:46.801 --> 00:37:49.467
Met by two more women.

1016
00:37:49.467 --> 00:37:51.701
It's a lot of widows.

1017
00:37:51.701 --> 00:37:52.501
[Bill] Because if a woman 

1018
00:37:52.501 --> 00:37:53.501
mourns you you were

1019
00:37:53.501 --> 00:37:55.467
married to her. 

1020
00:37:55.467 --> 00:38:01.534
* *

1021
00:38:01.534 --> 00:38:03.033
[Mike] It's either a come
hither look

1022
00:38:03.033 --> 00:38:04.868
or acid reflux

1023
00:38:04.868 --> 00:38:09.734
* *

1024
00:38:09.734 --> 00:38:13.567
[Kevin] Say!

1025
00:38:13.567 --> 00:38:14.801
That laminate might just be
the 

1026
00:38:14.801 --> 00:38:16.234
durable flooring solution

1027
00:38:16.234 --> 00:38:19.334
I've been searching for

1028
00:38:19.334 --> 00:38:20.801
Well it's been a long day uh

1029
00:38:20.801 --> 00:38:25.501
I'll be off. 

1030
00:38:25.501 --> 00:38:26.300
[Bill] I'm gonna

1031
00:38:26.300 --> 00:38:27.033
go sell me some 

1032
00:38:27.033 --> 00:38:29.467
homeowners insurance

1033
00:38:29.467 --> 00:38:34.734
* *

1034
00:38:34.734 --> 00:38:35.634
Try that. 

1035
00:38:35.634 --> 00:38:37.434
[Mike] Sunny D tangy original 

1036
00:38:37.434 --> 00:38:41.334
pretty good right?

1037
00:38:41.334 --> 00:38:42.701
You look as though you. 

1038
00:38:42.701 --> 00:38:46.133
you got great legs baby!

1039
00:38:46.133 --> 00:38:47.868
[Kevin] Your femur is attached
to

1040
00:38:47.868 --> 00:38:48.868
your pelvis and everything. 

1041
00:38:48.868 --> 00:38:50.734
Thank you.

1042
00:38:50.734 --> 00:38:55.033
but they're too long.

1043
00:38:55.033 --> 00:38:56.000
[Mike] There aren't enough--

1044
00:38:56.000 --> 00:38:59.067
Why aren't you a millipede??

1045
00:38:59.067 --> 00:39:00.868
They can wait.

1046
00:39:00.868 --> 00:39:02.467
Well let's see what we can do
about

1047
00:39:02.467 --> 00:39:03.968
keeping them out of the way.

1048
00:39:03.968 --> 00:39:04.868
[Mike] Let's feed my legs

1049
00:39:04.868 --> 00:39:06.868
to a monitor lizard.

1050
00:39:06.868 --> 00:39:11.334
* *

1051
00:39:11.334 --> 00:39:12.334
[Kevin] Ever uh flush the hoses 

1052
00:39:12.334 --> 00:39:13.400
in a rack and pinion 

1053
00:39:13.400 --> 00:39:16.267
steering system mmm?

1054
00:39:16.267 --> 00:39:17.934
We'll see what we can do about
that

1055
00:39:17.934 --> 00:39:20.234
[Kevin] If not you should. 

1056
00:39:20.234 --> 00:39:21.701
Particle contamination to 

1057
00:39:21.701 --> 00:39:22.767
the fluid is the number one

1058
00:39:22.767 --> 00:39:24.834
cause of steering failures.

1059
00:39:24.834 --> 00:39:28.901
* *

1060
00:39:28.901 --> 00:39:32.367
[Bill] Eat your heart out

1061
00:39:32.367 --> 00:39:35.000
Cinemax in 1982

1062
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.334
* *[Mike] Oh god I hope

1063
00:39:39.334 --> 00:39:42.033
this lipstick is a disinfectant

1064
00:39:42.033 --> 00:39:47.834
(music)

1065
00:39:47.834 --> 00:39:49.634
[Kevin] Yes the stench of high 

1066
00:39:49.634 --> 00:39:51.667
karate is like a fist through
the screen

1067
00:39:51.667 --> 00:39:57.567
(music)

1068
00:39:57.567 --> 00:39:59.167
[Bill] Oooo she's laying eggs
in his

1069
00:39:59.167 --> 00:40:01.501
chest cavity!

1070
00:40:05.567 --> 00:40:07.267
[Mike] mmmm you

1071
00:40:07.267 --> 00:40:10.868
taste like iron city and steak
umms

1072
00:40:10.868 --> 00:40:14.334
* *

1073
00:40:14.334 --> 00:40:21.334
* *

1074
00:40:21.334 --> 00:40:22.534
You're really beautiful

1075
00:40:22.534 --> 00:40:25.400
[Kevin] Shane McGowan beautiful

1076
00:40:25.400 --> 00:40:27.200
It isn't often I meet a man
like you

1077
00:40:27.200 --> 00:40:31.601
I'll remember for the rest of
my life.

1078
00:40:31.601 --> 00:40:35.367
[Bill] Booster shots will
remind her. 

1079
00:40:35.367 --> 00:40:38.934
I promise you

1080
00:40:38.934 --> 00:40:41.467
I will.

1081
00:40:41.467 --> 00:40:42.367
You know that's what I 

1082
00:40:42.367 --> 00:40:44.267
like about you baby

1083
00:40:44.267 --> 00:40:46.667
[Mike] Makes up for your
repulsive legs! 

1084
00:40:46.667 --> 00:40:48.767
I am predictable about one thing

1085
00:40:48.767 --> 00:40:50.300
I never miss. 

1086
00:40:50.300 --> 00:40:51.601
(shot fires)

1087
00:40:51.601 --> 00:40:53.100
[Kevin] Bullet proof pillow?

1088
00:40:53.100 --> 00:40:54.968
What is this a Best Western?

1089
00:40:54.968 --> 00:40:57.934
* *

1090
00:40:57.934 --> 00:41:04.334
[Bill] fight choreography by
adorable newborn

1091
00:41:04.334 --> 00:41:09.167
kittens. **

1092
00:41:09.167 --> 00:41:10.734
[Mike] Random arm motions.

1093
00:41:10.734 --> 00:41:12.434
Playground slaps!

1094
00:41:12.434 --> 00:41:15.467
Tickle finishing moves

1095
00:41:15.467 --> 00:41:19.901
[Kevin] Okay kids! 

1096
00:41:19.901 --> 00:41:21.200
Lights out up there no rough

1097
00:41:21.200 --> 00:41:22.334
housing or jumping

1098
00:41:22.334 --> 00:41:25.868
on the bed okay?

1099
00:41:25.868 --> 00:41:27.133
(crash) 

1100
00:41:27.133 --> 00:41:29.334
[Bill] Yep it's a Best Western
alright

1101
00:41:29.334 --> 00:41:32.968
* *

1102
00:41:32.968 --> 00:41:33.934
[Mike] the only way this fight
scene 

1103
00:41:33.934 --> 00:41:35.400
could be more awkward is

1104
00:41:35.400 --> 00:41:36.701
if she turns out to be

1105
00:41:36.701 --> 00:41:40.400
his sister. * *

1106
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:42.934
[Bill] Music sounds like Family
Feud

1107
00:41:42.934 --> 00:41:46.100
keeps trying to start. 

1108
00:41:46.100 --> 00:41:48.234
(crash)

1109
00:41:48.234 --> 00:41:55.400
* *

1110
00:41:55.400 --> 00:41:56.968
[Kevin] Ah! Head butt to the
crotch!

1111
00:41:56.968 --> 00:41:57.834
Is that the brain sex 

1112
00:41:57.834 --> 00:42:00.467
they keep talking about?

1113
00:42:00.467 --> 00:42:06.167
* *

1114
00:42:06.167 --> 00:42:07.367
(shot fires)

1115
00:42:07.367 --> 00:42:09.767
[Mike] Ah my wedding night

1116
00:42:09.767 --> 00:42:12.667
* *

1117
00:42:12.667 --> 00:42:17.767
* *

1118
00:42:17.767 --> 00:42:21.100
[Bill] I never figured out
stairs!!! 

1119
00:42:21.100 --> 00:42:22.567
Ow!!!

1120
00:42:22.567 --> 00:42:26.100
* *

1121
00:42:26.100 --> 00:42:27.734
[Mike] They sell cars outside
this hotel?

1122
00:42:27.734 --> 00:42:28.968
[Kevin]Nah back in the
seventies hotel

1123
00:42:28.968 --> 00:42:31.000
cars were complimentary. 

1124
00:42:31.000 --> 00:42:34.901
Better days.

1125
00:42:34.901 --> 00:42:36.400
[Bill] Revolving doors skipped

1126
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:38.501
to the next track

1127
00:42:38.501 --> 00:42:39.901
She went that way!

1128
00:42:39.901 --> 00:42:43.000
Okay well you follow me.

1129
00:42:43.000 --> 00:42:44.033
[Mike] Your dumb little jalopy

1130
00:42:44.033 --> 00:42:45.501
will be almost as fast as me

1131
00:42:45.501 --> 00:42:46.834
jogging!!

1132
00:42:46.834 --> 00:42:51.167
* *

1133
00:42:51.167 --> 00:42:51.934
[Kevin] Quick stop at 

1134
00:42:51.934 --> 00:42:54.000
the garden center

1135
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:58.067
(music)

1136
00:42:58.067 --> 00:42:59.834
[Bill] Yeah!

1137
00:42:59.834 --> 00:43:01.434
Take that guys who innocently
tried to

1138
00:43:01.434 --> 00:43:03.033
protect a half naked woman 

1139
00:43:03.033 --> 00:43:04.000
from a man chasing her 

1140
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.634
down the street

1141
00:43:05.634 --> 00:43:10.100
(music)

1142
00:43:10.100 --> 00:43:11.234
[Mike] this is that rare chase
where

1143
00:43:11.234 --> 00:43:12.300
the people on the street just
kind 

1144
00:43:12.300 --> 00:43:14.334
of watch and get out of the way

1145
00:43:14.334 --> 00:43:16.167
[Kevin] Yeah if there were two
guys

1146
00:43:16.167 --> 00:43:17.634
carrying a big pane of plate
glass

1147
00:43:17.634 --> 00:43:18.868
they'd politely pause until

1148
00:43:18.868 --> 00:43:19.667
they chase went past. 

1149
00:43:19.667 --> 00:43:20.701
[Bill] Our consideration? 

1150
00:43:20.701 --> 00:43:21.767
Fruit stand owner could cost

1151
00:43:21.767 --> 00:43:23.133
Manilla a shuddering up 

1152
00:43:23.133 --> 00:43:24.434
closing early for the day!

1153
00:43:24.434 --> 00:43:27.267
* *

1154
00:43:27.267 --> 00:43:33.901
(horns honking)

1155
00:43:33.901 --> 00:43:34.968
[Mike] she's outrunning him 

1156
00:43:34.968 --> 00:43:36.968
in three inch heels

1157
00:43:36.968 --> 00:43:37.767
You're never allowed to

1158
00:43:37.767 --> 00:43:38.501
mention your CIA

1159
00:43:38.501 --> 00:43:40.767
badass prevention. 

1160
00:43:40.767 --> 00:43:43.701
* *

1161
00:43:43.701 --> 00:43:45.033
[Kevin] Hey slow down lady
aren't we supposed 

1162
00:43:45.033 --> 00:43:46.300
to cat call you! 

1163
00:43:46.300 --> 00:43:48.033
[Bill] Yeah by the time

1164
00:43:48.033 --> 00:43:48.968
I think of something horrible
enough 

1165
00:43:48.968 --> 00:43:50.334
to say to you you're already 

1166
00:43:50.334 --> 00:43:51.367
gone what gives??

1167
00:43:51.367 --> 00:43:52.901
Oh did any one think of us the 

1168
00:43:52.901 --> 00:43:55.033
street creeps of Manilla?

1169
00:43:55.033 --> 00:43:58.100
[Kevin] Yeah

1170
00:43:58.100 --> 00:43:59.000
[Mike] Well it's a dull

1171
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:00.133
chase but at least we're

1172
00:44:00.133 --> 00:44:01.601
getting a real sense of this
place,

1173
00:44:01.601 --> 00:44:05.467
its sites. people, lifestyle. 

1174
00:44:05.467 --> 00:44:06.534
[Bill] Oh mother of God

1175
00:44:06.534 --> 00:44:08.167
what went back there!!

1176
00:44:08.167 --> 00:44:08.968
[Kevin] And why aren't all
these people 

1177
00:44:08.968 --> 00:44:09.901
screaming at the monster 

1178
00:44:09.901 --> 00:44:11.434
that just slithered by. 

1179
00:44:11.434 --> 00:44:13.267
[Bill] some kind of a land eel 

1180
00:44:13.267 --> 00:44:14.834
a rare delicacy

1181
00:44:14.834 --> 00:44:16.834
[Kevin] A remote control gila
monster tail?

1182
00:44:16.834 --> 00:44:19.801
[Mike] I'm gonna go with
Kathulu's dick!

1183
00:44:19.801 --> 00:44:20.934
[Bill] Seems right. 

1184
00:44:20.934 --> 00:44:23.901
Dick it is.

1185
00:44:23.901 --> 00:44:27.133
* *

1186
00:44:27.133 --> 00:44:28.200
[Kevin] Hey you went out of
your way 

1187
00:44:28.200 --> 00:44:30.067
to do that!

1188
00:44:30.067 --> 00:44:32.000
[Bill] No I didn't-police
business!

1189
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:34.868
(horns honking)

1190
00:44:34.868 --> 00:44:38.100
[Mike] REM is running for
office 

1191
00:44:38.100 --> 00:44:39.267
[Kevin] It's the end of the
same old

1192
00:44:39.267 --> 00:44:41.467
greed and corruption as we know
it!!!

1193
00:44:46.133 --> 00:44:47.234
[Bill] Forget REM. I'm voting

1194
00:44:47.234 --> 00:44:48.601
for the lingerie lady!

1195
00:44:48.601 --> 00:44:49.701
[Mike] Wooo lingerie lady for 

1196
00:44:49.701 --> 00:44:51.200
president or whatever it is

1197
00:44:51.200 --> 00:44:54.968
we have here!!

1198
00:44:54.968 --> 00:44:56.334
[Kevin] Parade car slalom 

1199
00:44:56.334 --> 00:45:00.868
rare chase scene technique

1200
00:45:00.868 --> 00:45:03.200
[Bill] Oh no!

1201
00:45:03.200 --> 00:45:05.467
Don't steal my hideous clown
taxi

1202
00:45:05.467 --> 00:45:06.300
I love driving it 

1203
00:45:06.300 --> 00:45:07.167
around all day in heavy

1204
00:45:07.167 --> 00:45:14.033
traffic stop please!

1205
00:45:14.033 --> 00:45:14.901
[Mike] Something I've 

1206
00:45:14.901 --> 00:45:15.968
learned about Philippines

1207
00:45:15.968 --> 00:45:17.033
in this movie is that all of
the 

1208
00:45:17.033 --> 00:45:18.100
people are out standing 

1209
00:45:18.100 --> 00:45:22.167
in the street all of the time!

1210
00:45:22.167 --> 00:45:23.100
Mr Mike! 

1211
00:45:23.100 --> 00:45:24.501
Mr Mike!

1212
00:45:24.501 --> 00:45:26.467
Over here! 

1213
00:45:26.467 --> 00:45:27.901
[Kevin] What took you so long??!

1214
00:45:27.901 --> 00:45:28.701
[Bill] Sorry boss I stopped to
get 

1215
00:45:28.701 --> 00:45:30.534
churros for us but 

1216
00:45:30.534 --> 00:45:31.834
I ate all the churros

1217
00:45:31.834 --> 00:45:33.033
so I felt guilty and went back 

1218
00:45:33.033 --> 00:45:35.234
for more churros ate those too!

1219
00:45:35.234 --> 00:45:37.000
Then I went back to get more.

1220
00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:39.200
You won't believe what happen 

1221
00:45:39.200 --> 00:45:43.200
[Kevin] Yeah yeah I got it
thanks. 

1222
00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:44.167
[Mike] Not on a first date

1223
00:45:44.167 --> 00:45:47.634
mister!!!

1224
00:45:47.634 --> 00:45:51.467
[Kevin] Okay watch out for the

1225
00:45:51.467 --> 00:45:54.100
those-ow yow!!

1226
00:45:54.100 --> 00:45:55.267
That's very avoidable
mistake!! 

1227
00:45:55.267 --> 00:45:55.934
[Bill] No it wasn't 

1228
00:45:55.934 --> 00:45:58.000
police business!

1229
00:45:58.000 --> 00:45:58.901
[Mike] That was a 

1230
00:45:58.901 --> 00:45:59.868
devastating blow to

1231
00:45:59.868 --> 00:46:00.767
Manilla's chickens

1232
00:46:00.767 --> 00:46:02.567
on a stick economy.

1233
00:46:02.567 --> 00:46:08.300
(screeching)

1234
00:46:08.300 --> 00:46:12.234
[Kevin] Who am I and where am I
going???

1235
00:46:12.234 --> 00:46:14.100
[Bill] those cut outs are the 

1236
00:46:14.100 --> 00:46:14.767
original wonder women, their
very brief cameo

1237
00:46:14.767 --> 00:46:22.167
* *

1238
00:46:22.167 --> 00:46:23.100
[Mike] Horrible rip off with 

1239
00:46:23.100 --> 00:46:24.267
that scene in Bullet where they

1240
00:46:24.267 --> 00:46:26.100
race off and steal a floral
installment

1241
00:46:26.100 --> 00:46:27.234
and Steve McQueen stops 

1242
00:46:27.234 --> 00:46:29.033
to smell a gardenia

1243
00:46:29.033 --> 00:46:34.634
* *

1244
00:46:34.634 --> 00:46:35.501
[Kevin] Out of the way people 

1245
00:46:35.501 --> 00:46:36.367
this vehicle's late for

1246
00:46:36.367 --> 00:46:37.267
carrying tourists through 

1247
00:46:37.267 --> 00:46:39.434
the It's a Small World ride

1248
00:46:39.434 --> 00:46:44.300
* *

1249
00:46:44.300 --> 00:46:49.133
(screeching)

1250
00:46:49.133 --> 00:46:50.300
[Bill] Oh man!! 

1251
00:46:50.300 --> 00:46:51.267
A lot of paid professional

1252
00:46:51.267 --> 00:46:52.400
stuntmen took a lot of

1253
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:53.200
serious risk for this shoot.

1254
00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:54.667
[Mike] Paid professional 

1255
00:46:54.667 --> 00:46:57.501
stunt what now?

1256
00:46:57.501 --> 00:47:01.067
(crash)

1257
00:47:01.067 --> 00:47:02.801
[Kevin] Ow

1258
00:47:02.801 --> 00:47:03.601
and the flower cart was also 

1259
00:47:03.601 --> 00:47:04.667
full of chickens on a stick

1260
00:47:04.667 --> 00:47:05.133
for some reason!

1261
00:47:05.133 --> 00:47:11.934
* *

1262
00:47:11.934 --> 00:47:13.567
[Mike] Balloons

1263
00:47:13.567 --> 00:47:15.367
Sure. 

1264
00:47:15.367 --> 00:47:17.167
[Mike] Inexplicable balloon
shot 

1265
00:47:17.167 --> 00:47:18.968
guest directed by ACI films

1266
00:47:18.968 --> 00:47:20.667
[Bill] Avoidable!! 

1267
00:47:20.667 --> 00:47:22.534
[Kevin] Police business!

1268
00:47:22.534 --> 00:47:26.767
(screeching)

1269
00:47:26.767 --> 00:47:28.467
[Mike] this is the longest

1270
00:47:28.467 --> 00:47:32.334
police squad intro ever!!

1271
00:47:32.334 --> 00:47:33.434
[Kevin] Whoa that one felt
real! 

1272
00:47:33.434 --> 00:47:37.801
[Bill] Yeah that guy's dead!

1273
00:47:37.801 --> 00:47:41.701
(crash)

1274
00:47:41.701 --> 00:47:43.367
[Mike] Oh made me spill the
yard trimmings

1275
00:47:43.367 --> 00:47:44.801
I carry on my school bus!

1276
00:47:44.801 --> 00:47:46.067
How dare you?

1277
00:47:46.067 --> 00:47:48.834
* *

1278
00:47:48.834 --> 00:47:51.100
[Kevin] Okay guys I no longer
remember

1279
00:47:51.100 --> 00:47:53.701
a time when this chase wasn't
happening

1280
00:47:53.701 --> 00:47:55.100
[Bill] The chase is life.

1281
00:47:55.100 --> 00:47:56.467
Long live the chase 

1282
00:47:56.467 --> 00:47:58.033
[Mike] All hail the flower carts

1283
00:47:58.033 --> 00:47:59.167
our new master 

1284
00:47:59.167 --> 00:48:00.901
[Bill] Death to all chickens on
a stick!

1285
00:48:00.901 --> 00:48:06.634
* *

1286
00:48:06.634 --> 00:48:09.133
[Kevin] (indistinct)

1287
00:48:09.133 --> 00:48:10.067
[Bill] Which car has a Calvin
peeing

1288
00:48:10.067 --> 00:48:13.033
on the Ford logo?

1289
00:48:13.033 --> 00:48:17.868
[Mike] I'd want to jump off a
bridge too

1290
00:48:17.868 --> 00:48:22.367
[Kevin] Hey cars whatever. 

1291
00:48:22.367 --> 00:48:23.501
I'm more impressed at how

1292
00:48:23.501 --> 00:48:25.367
wide these lanes here!

1293
00:48:25.367 --> 00:48:31.367
Looks like heaven!

1294
00:48:31.367 --> 00:48:33.067
[Bill] Oh get out of there cows!

1295
00:48:33.067 --> 00:48:34.133
Didn't you see what

1296
00:48:34.133 --> 00:48:36.334
happens to chickens on a
stick??!

1297
00:48:36.334 --> 00:48:40.601
(screeching)

1298
00:48:40.601 --> 00:48:42.534
[Mike] Keeps getting better

1299
00:48:42.534 --> 00:48:47.968
doesn't it?

1300
00:48:47.968 --> 00:48:48.734
[Kevin] Oh wait!

1301
00:48:48.734 --> 00:48:49.501
I just realized I 

1302
00:48:49.501 --> 00:48:50.367
left my phone charger

1303
00:48:50.367 --> 00:48:51.234
at the hotel chase me

1304
00:48:51.234 --> 00:48:52.434
all the way back there? 

1305
00:48:52.434 --> 00:48:55.000
[Bill] Sure!

1306
00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:56.234
[Kevin] Oh dear! 

1307
00:48:56.234 --> 00:48:59.567
Oregon trail meets grand theft
auto

1308
00:48:59.567 --> 00:49:02.801
(crash)

1309
00:49:02.801 --> 00:49:07.133
(crash)

1310
00:49:07.133 --> 00:49:08.267
[Bill] Sure crash into a sign

1311
00:49:08.267 --> 00:49:09.667
nowhere near any water
immediately

1312
00:49:09.667 --> 00:49:11.767
drive into some water

1313
00:49:11.767 --> 00:49:15.734
that's just how it works

1314
00:49:15.734 --> 00:49:17.133
[Mike] thank god it's over.

1315
00:49:17.133 --> 00:49:18.734
Somehow I blame the 

1316
00:49:18.734 --> 00:49:19.667
length of this chase on

1317
00:49:19.667 --> 00:49:20.968
the sky jacking fad 

1318
00:49:20.968 --> 00:49:26.267
they mentioned earlier.

1319
00:49:26.267 --> 00:49:27.234
[Kevin] Aha ha

1320
00:49:27.234 --> 00:49:28.667
So flirty and fun. 

1321
00:49:28.667 --> 00:49:29.567
The passengers in the vehicle

1322
00:49:29.567 --> 00:49:30.868
she stole all drowned.

1323
00:49:30.868 --> 00:49:37.200
* *

1324
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:38.234
[Bill] Wait I'm confused this 

1325
00:49:38.234 --> 00:49:40.067
isn't a chase scene? 

1326
00:49:40.067 --> 00:49:41.567
[Mike] What's happening??

1327
00:49:41.567 --> 00:49:44.434
You ready to talk yet?

1328
00:49:44.434 --> 00:49:46.634
Come on sweetheart.

1329
00:49:46.634 --> 00:49:47.601
[Kevin] He failed water
boarding 

1330
00:49:47.601 --> 00:49:50.968
in CIA school

1331
00:49:50.968 --> 00:49:52.434
Now look at that. 

1332
00:49:52.434 --> 00:49:53.300
I've been trying to teach you

1333
00:49:53.300 --> 00:49:54.868
to behave like a lady.

1334
00:49:54.868 --> 00:49:56.767
But you don't seem to
appreciate it. 

1335
00:49:56.767 --> 00:49:57.734
[Mike] Seems like this is
leading to a 

1336
00:49:57.734 --> 00:49:59.634
"it rubs the lotion on its skin"

1337
00:49:59.634 --> 00:50:03.901
situation. 

1338
00:50:03.901 --> 00:50:05.868
Who are you?

1339
00:50:05.868 --> 00:50:07.868
Why did you try to kill me? 

1340
00:50:07.868 --> 00:50:10.734
And where did you come from? 

1341
00:50:10.734 --> 00:50:11.801
[Kevin] and will you join my

1342
00:50:11.801 --> 00:50:15.067
revolutionary war reenactment
troup?

1343
00:50:15.067 --> 00:50:17.601
So talk! 

1344
00:50:17.601 --> 00:50:18.834
[Bill] Just like a

1345
00:50:18.834 --> 00:50:25.868
Norah Ephron rom com

1346
00:50:25.868 --> 00:50:26.734
* *the patient's under 

1347
00:50:26.734 --> 00:50:28.567
cortex control doctor. 

1348
00:50:28.567 --> 00:50:30.601
Attention attention

1349
00:50:30.601 --> 00:50:33.033
The Harbor party has arrived.

1350
00:50:33.033 --> 00:50:34.801
[Mike] these lunch ladies take

1351
00:50:34.801 --> 00:50:36.701
sneeze guarding really
seriously

1352
00:50:36.701 --> 00:50:38.634
Please use all security
precautions.

1353
00:50:38.634 --> 00:50:43.701
Take Mr Porter into the alpha
room

1354
00:50:43.701 --> 00:50:45.234
Maintain at sixty two 

1355
00:50:45.234 --> 00:50:47.300
degrees for twelve hours. 

1356
00:50:47.300 --> 00:50:48.033
[Bill] She looks like

1357
00:50:48.033 --> 00:50:48.934
that time Eddie Murphy 

1358
00:50:48.934 --> 00:50:50.968
dressed up as a white guy

1359
00:50:50.968 --> 00:50:56.901
* *

1360
00:50:56.901 --> 00:50:58.300
[Kevin] How did they get here?

1361
00:50:58.300 --> 00:50:59.133
[Bill] Don't ask. 

1362
00:50:59.133 --> 00:50:59.868
Just be glad it

1363
00:50:59.868 --> 00:51:03.601
wasn't another car chase. 

1364
00:51:03.601 --> 00:51:04.300
[Mike] Wanna stop

1365
00:51:04.300 --> 00:51:05.100
to grab me a cardigan 

1366
00:51:05.100 --> 00:51:10.400
or something huh you perves?

1367
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:12.467
Boss boss that time

1368
00:51:12.467 --> 00:51:14.501
[Kevin] I gotta say when you

1369
00:51:14.501 --> 00:51:17.400
get a taxi in Manilla the
driver is loyal!

1370
00:51:17.400 --> 00:51:20.033
Be quiet.

1371
00:51:20.033 --> 00:51:21.100
Let me take it in.

1372
00:51:21.100 --> 00:51:21.868
[Mike] Hey baby remember when
I 

1373
00:51:21.868 --> 00:51:23.234
said that last night?

1374
00:51:23.234 --> 00:51:25.067
[Bill] Oh yeah I think that

1375
00:51:25.067 --> 00:51:26.267
was right before you started
crying 

1376
00:51:26.267 --> 00:51:27.534
into the pillow and telling me 

1377
00:51:27.534 --> 00:51:28.701
about your difficult childhood

1378
00:51:28.701 --> 00:51:29.801
[Mike] I have no idea what
you're talking about

1379
00:51:29.801 --> 00:51:31.567
Not in front of the driver

1380
00:51:31.567 --> 00:51:32.300
I want him to think I'm

1381
00:51:32.300 --> 00:51:35.334
cool. (indistinct)

1382
00:51:35.334 --> 00:51:40.167
(bird sounds)

1383
00:51:40.167 --> 00:51:41.534
[Kevin] POV shot provided 

1384
00:51:41.534 --> 00:51:45.634
by some creep behind the tree

1385
00:51:45.634 --> 00:51:47.701
Alright back to some

1386
00:51:47.701 --> 00:51:49.467
basics which way? 

1387
00:51:49.467 --> 00:51:51.133
You'll never get off the island
alive.

1388
00:51:51.133 --> 00:51:52.334
[Mike] well anyway this is a
fun

1389
00:51:52.334 --> 00:51:53.534
getaway after I stuck a 

1390
00:51:53.534 --> 00:51:55.801
gun in your mouth. 

1391
00:51:55.801 --> 00:51:56.701
Don't worry boss I stay

1392
00:51:56.701 --> 00:51:57.601
right here and I'll

1393
00:51:57.601 --> 00:51:58.901
watch my uncle's bunker. 

1394
00:51:58.901 --> 00:52:00.634
Your uncle's what?

1395
00:52:00.634 --> 00:52:02.300
My uncle's boat. 

1396
00:52:02.300 --> 00:52:04.067
Go I'll be right here 

1397
00:52:04.067 --> 00:52:05.434
when you come back.

1398
00:52:05.434 --> 00:52:07.200
and I'll take you home safely.

1399
00:52:07.200 --> 00:52:09.200
[Kevin] I trust your evil

1400
00:52:09.200 --> 00:52:12.067
greasiness completely. (bell
chimes)

1401
00:52:12.067 --> 00:52:13.934
No not again. 

1402
00:52:13.934 --> 00:52:15.667
Did you see where she went

1403
00:52:15.667 --> 00:52:17.167
[Bill] Of course he did so did
you

1404
00:52:17.167 --> 00:52:19.567
she was one foot away from you
both.

1405
00:52:19.567 --> 00:52:20.667
Don't take your eyes off of her

1406
00:52:20.667 --> 00:52:22.300
She's very sneaky. 

1407
00:52:22.300 --> 00:52:25.467
No shit.

1408
00:52:25.467 --> 00:52:26.334
[Mike] Heavily guarded 

1409
00:52:26.334 --> 00:52:30.133
at Nicolas Cage's house.

1410
00:52:30.133 --> 00:52:32.067
I'm sorry. 

1411
00:52:32.067 --> 00:52:33.067
I tried. 

1412
00:52:33.067 --> 00:52:34.634
[Kevin] I just

1413
00:52:34.634 --> 00:52:35.300
couldn't finish a 

1414
00:52:35.300 --> 00:52:36.200
whole hot pocket. 

1415
00:52:36.200 --> 00:52:39.367
He's so damned unpredictable. 

1416
00:52:39.367 --> 00:52:41.000
Sit down Linda.

1417
00:52:41.000 --> 00:52:41.934
[Bill] Also this is a hearing 

1418
00:52:41.934 --> 00:52:43.100
in the future please wear

1419
00:52:43.100 --> 00:52:47.734
formal black lingerie

1420
00:52:47.734 --> 00:52:49.267
It might be amusing to have you
two

1421
00:52:49.267 --> 00:52:51.234
exchange parts. 

1422
00:52:51.234 --> 00:52:52.133
You my dear with your

1423
00:52:52.133 --> 00:52:54.167
lovely face and figure

1424
00:52:54.167 --> 00:52:55.667
He with his brain and sex?

1425
00:52:55.667 --> 00:52:56.300
[Mike] Are they talking 

1426
00:52:56.300 --> 00:52:57.501
about Carl Sagan?

1427
00:52:57.501 --> 00:52:59.234
Dr Sue let me have another
chance? 

1428
00:52:59.234 --> 00:53:01.167
I know him

1429
00:53:01.167 --> 00:53:02.834
[Kevin] Wow a lot of skin oil 

1430
00:53:02.834 --> 00:53:04.501
on the seams of this chair.

1431
00:53:04.501 --> 00:53:05.434
I'll find him for you 

1432
00:53:05.434 --> 00:53:07.133
and I'll bring him back. 

1433
00:53:07.133 --> 00:53:08.801
Let her have another go at it

1434
00:53:08.801 --> 00:53:11.501
After all what have we got to
lose?

1435
00:53:11.501 --> 00:53:12.534
[Bill] What if he uses his

1436
00:53:12.534 --> 00:53:14.267
brain in sex on us?

1437
00:53:14.267 --> 00:53:16.167
Ewwwww. 

1438
00:53:16.167 --> 00:53:17.567
I won't.

1439
00:53:17.567 --> 00:53:19.434
You can count on it.

1440
00:53:19.434 --> 00:53:20.601
[Mike] Well off to another 

1441
00:53:20.601 --> 00:53:22.868
ten minute chase scene

1442
00:53:22.868 --> 00:53:25.467
Laura keep a watch on Linda. 

1443
00:53:25.467 --> 00:53:26.868
You can count on it.

1444
00:53:26.868 --> 00:53:30.300
* *

1445
00:53:30.300 --> 00:53:31.334
[Kevin] Sale on Maybelline! 

1446
00:53:31.334 --> 00:53:33.000
Let's move move move people!

1447
00:53:33.000 --> 00:53:38.400
* *

1448
00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:39.667
[Mike] Dang!

1449
00:53:39.667 --> 00:53:41.367
Snagged my sex on a tree branch

1450
00:53:41.367 --> 00:53:47.501
* *

1451
00:53:47.501 --> 00:53:48.567
[Mike] It's also how

1452
00:53:48.567 --> 00:53:51.067
they book guests for The View

1453
00:53:51.067 --> 00:53:55.300
* *

1454
00:53:55.300 --> 00:53:56.701
[Kevin] You-grab some banana
leaves

1455
00:53:56.701 --> 00:53:58.634
and craft us some sexy new
panties

1456
00:53:58.634 --> 00:54:00.133
You just I don't know!

1457
00:54:00.133 --> 00:54:02.133
Go go go dance over there
somewhere.

1458
00:54:02.133 --> 00:54:03.801
The rest of you

1459
00:54:03.801 --> 00:54:04.734
follow me and I promise you 

1460
00:54:04.734 --> 00:54:05.667
we'll have a pillow fight

1461
00:54:05.667 --> 00:54:07.667
on the bed later

1462
00:54:07.667 --> 00:54:10.801
* *

1463
00:54:10.801 --> 00:54:12.000
[Bill] Benny Hill watches this
scene

1464
00:54:12.000 --> 00:54:14.167
and wipes a single admiring
tear off

1465
00:54:14.167 --> 00:54:19.234
his eye. **

1466
00:54:19.234 --> 00:54:20.267
[Mike] Suddenly realizes the
crazy 

1467
00:54:20.267 --> 00:54:21.567
Hammond Organ soundtrack

1468
00:54:21.567 --> 00:54:22.901
was the only thing

1469
00:54:22.901 --> 00:54:27.534
driving him on. (shots fire)

1470
00:54:27.534 --> 00:54:28.767
(shots fire) 

1471
00:54:28.767 --> 00:54:31.167
[Kevin] Don't shoot my brain or
my sex!

1472
00:54:31.167 --> 00:54:34.567
* *

1473
00:54:34.567 --> 00:54:35.467
[Bill] for the record

1474
00:54:35.467 --> 00:54:37.133
guys this is how I want to die 

1475
00:54:37.133 --> 00:54:38.167
[Mike] Oh good because 

1476
00:54:38.167 --> 00:54:39.167
this is the Rifftrax

1477
00:54:39.167 --> 00:54:40.200
retirement plan.

1478
00:54:40.200 --> 00:54:41.100
[Bill] Really?

1479
00:54:41.100 --> 00:54:41.968
[Mike] Yeah you signed up

1480
00:54:41.968 --> 00:54:43.000
for the bronze plan

1481
00:54:43.000 --> 00:54:44.133
which is to be gunned down 

1482
00:54:44.133 --> 00:54:45.434
in the Filipine jungle by a

1483
00:54:45.434 --> 00:54:47.367
bunch of women in mini dresses

1484
00:54:47.367 --> 00:54:49.367
[Bill] Well for once not
actually 

1485
00:54:49.367 --> 00:54:51.801
reading an important document
pays off!

1486
00:54:51.801 --> 00:54:57.133
* *

1487
00:54:57.133 --> 00:55:01.367
* *

1488
00:55:01.367 --> 00:55:04.300
* *

1489
00:55:04.300 --> 00:55:07.667
(shot fires)

1490
00:55:07.667 --> 00:55:09.267
[Mike] Here's another chase 

1491
00:55:09.267 --> 00:55:10.534
scene for ya! 

1492
00:55:10.534 --> 00:55:11.601
There's some more jungle chase

1493
00:55:11.601 --> 00:55:13.000
scene for ya!

1494
00:55:13.000 --> 00:55:14.000
How about a woman 

1495
00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:15.534
shot by a shot gun?**

1496
00:55:15.534 --> 00:55:17.267
Blasted in. 

1497
00:55:17.267 --> 00:55:19.767
By a hero shot gun! (humming)

1498
00:55:19.767 --> 00:55:21.067
In the face!

1499
00:55:21.067 --> 00:55:22.167
(all guys) Shot a woman 

1500
00:55:22.167 --> 00:55:23.868
in the face!

1501
00:55:23.868 --> 00:55:26.501
With a shot gun in the face!

1502
00:55:26.501 --> 00:55:28.701
With a shot gun in the face!

1503
00:55:28.701 --> 00:55:31.901
He's a hero * *

1504
00:55:31.901 --> 00:55:34.868
He's a hero!!

1505
00:55:34.868 --> 00:55:36.767
Blasting women with 

1506
00:55:36.767 --> 00:55:39.367
a shot gun to the 

1507
00:55:39.367 --> 00:55:42.968
face!!!!Yeah!!

1508
00:55:42.968 --> 00:55:48.467
* *

1509
00:55:48.467 --> 00:55:49.801
(all guys) So many faces 

1510
00:55:49.801 --> 00:55:51.133
so few shot guns 

1511
00:55:51.133 --> 00:55:52.501
So many faces 

1512
00:55:52.501 --> 00:55:57.200
So few shot guns yeah!

1513
00:55:57.200 --> 00:55:59.901
Ah.

1514
00:55:59.901 --> 00:56:01.200
[Bill] Linda's bottom jaw is a 

1515
00:56:01.200 --> 00:56:02.467
foamy mess of blood 

1516
00:56:02.467 --> 00:56:03.734
and tooth fragments

1517
00:56:03.734 --> 00:56:06.133
haha. 

1518
00:56:06.133 --> 00:56:07.100
Ladies. 

1519
00:56:07.100 --> 00:56:08.968
[Kevin] Hey that's our line!

1520
00:56:08.968 --> 00:56:11.667
Ahhhh

1521
00:56:11.667 --> 00:56:13.467
My own volcano soup is

1522
00:56:13.467 --> 00:56:16.000
the finest I've ever tasted.

1523
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:17.601
My chef's survival depends 

1524
00:56:17.601 --> 00:56:20.267
on her ability to satisfy my
taste

1525
00:56:20.267 --> 00:56:22.167
[Mike] Yeah I didn't a word of
that

1526
00:56:22.167 --> 00:56:25.534
but I'm sure it was kind of
evil

1527
00:56:25.534 --> 00:56:26.334
Well if it isn't the

1528
00:56:26.334 --> 00:56:29.100
indestructible Mr Harbor

1529
00:56:29.100 --> 00:56:30.834
Well don't let me interrupt
your snack.

1530
00:56:30.834 --> 00:56:32.300
We've been looking foward to
this

1531
00:56:32.300 --> 00:56:34.400
meeting with great anticipation.

1532
00:56:34.400 --> 00:56:35.367
[Bill] Trying to murder you

1533
00:56:35.367 --> 00:56:36.567
with some machine guns

1534
00:56:36.567 --> 00:56:37.534
earlier it was our way of

1535
00:56:37.534 --> 00:56:39.701
inviting you to brunch. 

1536
00:56:39.701 --> 00:56:41.701
I'll take a rain check on it.

1537
00:56:41.701 --> 00:56:44.000
Sit down Mr Harbor 

1538
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:44.734
[Kevin] would you like

1539
00:56:44.734 --> 00:56:45.634
soup or salad before I

1540
00:56:45.634 --> 00:56:46.601
filet your genitals and 

1541
00:56:46.601 --> 00:56:49.067
store them in plastic bags?

1542
00:56:49.067 --> 00:56:53.868
* *

1543
00:56:53.868 --> 00:56:55.133
[Mike] It's be great if she
serves

1544
00:56:55.133 --> 00:56:56.367
roasted wang wang with a tiny

1545
00:56:56.367 --> 00:56:58.467
apple in his mouth.

1546
00:56:58.467 --> 00:57:00.267
I think you're going to 

1547
00:57:00.267 --> 00:57:01.200
be a most interesting diversion.

1548
00:57:01.200 --> 00:57:02.734
I got a good idea but 

1549
00:57:02.734 --> 00:57:04.400
I'm gonna ask you anyway

1550
00:57:04.400 --> 00:57:06.934
What type of business you in? 

1551
00:57:06.934 --> 00:57:08.667
Transplants Mr Harbor

1552
00:57:08.667 --> 00:57:10.234
Transplants. 

1553
00:57:10.234 --> 00:57:11.400
[Bill] Like LA transplants you 

1554
00:57:11.400 --> 00:57:12.634
move up to Portland to drink

1555
00:57:12.634 --> 00:57:15.267
Micro brews and grow facial
hair?

1556
00:57:15.267 --> 00:57:19.734
Listen uh what's old fish nose 

1557
00:57:19.734 --> 00:57:21.734
got to do with transplants?

1558
00:57:21.734 --> 00:57:23.000
Mr Degory seeks out clients

1559
00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:25.767
and arranges the financial
agreement. 

1560
00:57:25.767 --> 00:57:27.701
[Kevin] also his fish nose 

1561
00:57:27.701 --> 00:57:28.300
helps sniff out rotting
crustaceans 

1562
00:57:28.300 --> 00:57:29.567
on the sea bed

1563
00:57:29.567 --> 00:57:31.801
See that explains the
kidnapping 

1564
00:57:31.801 --> 00:57:33.033
of the jai alai

1565
00:57:33.033 --> 00:57:34.167
player what's his name

1566
00:57:34.167 --> 00:57:35.434
and the other missing
athletes. 

1567
00:57:35.434 --> 00:57:37.200
[Mike] did he use his brain or
his sex?

1568
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:39.067
to figure that out. 

1569
00:57:39.067 --> 00:57:41.868
Strong young bodies are at a
premium

1570
00:57:41.868 --> 00:57:43.634
And how high are these premiums?

1571
00:57:43.634 --> 00:57:45.434
As high as the market will
bear Mr Harbor. 

1572
00:57:45.434 --> 00:57:47.367
[Bill] Gaw fish nose guys will 

1573
00:57:47.367 --> 00:57:49.300
never give you a straight answer

1574
00:57:49.300 --> 00:57:50.200
You're not exactly what I would

1575
00:57:50.200 --> 00:57:52.701
consider blue ribbon material. 

1576
00:57:52.701 --> 00:57:54.834
First class merchandise. 

1577
00:57:54.834 --> 00:57:57.200
But with Mr Degory's

1578
00:57:57.200 --> 00:57:59.067
superb negotiating 

1579
00:57:59.067 --> 00:58:01.300
[Kevin] Ha ha ha 

1580
00:58:01.300 --> 00:58:02.167
we could maybe

1581
00:58:02.167 --> 00:58:03.701
command four to five hundred 

1582
00:58:03.701 --> 00:58:05.801
thousand dollars for your body

1583
00:58:05.801 --> 00:58:07.400
[Mike] But then we got 2.3
million 

1584
00:58:07.400 --> 00:58:09.200
for Ernest Borgnine. 

1585
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:10.968
With all due respect

1586
00:58:10.968 --> 00:58:12.300
doctor I think you're a bit
high.

1587
00:58:12.300 --> 00:58:13.734
I mean I would

1588
00:58:13.734 --> 00:58:15.167
have to sell him completely

1589
00:58:15.167 --> 00:58:17.567
on his uh virility

1590
00:58:17.567 --> 00:58:18.834
[Bill] What does he currently

1591
00:58:18.834 --> 00:58:20.067
have a boner??!!

1592
00:58:20.067 --> 00:58:21.767
A few years younger. 

1593
00:58:21.767 --> 00:58:25.067
You're quite right Degory. 

1594
00:58:25.067 --> 00:58:26.968
And enough of these socialities.

1595
00:58:26.968 --> 00:58:28.767
I'm sure Mr Harbor's anxious

1596
00:58:28.767 --> 00:58:31.267
to look over his new home? 

1597
00:58:31.267 --> 00:58:33.701
Sure why not?

1598
00:58:33.701 --> 00:58:36.334
[Kevin] And this is the room 

1599
00:58:36.334 --> 00:58:38.434
where we cut off your virility

1600
00:58:38.434 --> 00:58:39.667
[Mike] Uh cool very modern. 

1601
00:58:39.667 --> 00:58:44.133
Wait what?

1602
00:58:44.133 --> 00:58:45.067
[Bill] Could you maybe hang up 

1603
00:58:45.067 --> 00:58:46.100
a Starsky and Hutch poster?

1604
00:58:46.100 --> 00:58:52.033
or something?

1605
00:58:52.033 --> 00:58:53.067
[Kevin] It's great here 

1606
00:58:53.067 --> 00:58:56.934
(muffled) Yeah you'll love it!

1607
00:58:56.934 --> 00:58:58.934
Isn't it uh

1608
00:58:58.934 --> 00:59:02.701
It will be my most important
achievement

1609
00:59:02.701 --> 00:59:05.934
Complete brain and body
transplant.

1610
00:59:05.934 --> 00:59:07.167
[Bill] so they

1611
00:59:07.167 --> 00:59:08.300
take a whole human and
transplant 

1612
00:59:08.300 --> 00:59:10.400
another whole human?

1613
00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:13.234
I gotta get into that racket.

1614
00:59:13.234 --> 00:59:15.234
He died eight hours ago.

1615
00:59:15.234 --> 00:59:17.300
He's still breathing. 

1616
00:59:17.300 --> 00:59:18.834
I have placed him

1617
00:59:18.834 --> 00:59:20.567
under alpha control
consciousness. 

1618
00:59:20.567 --> 00:59:22.667
so his brain

1619
00:59:22.667 --> 00:59:24.868
will not deteriorate from

1620
00:59:24.868 --> 00:59:26.033
lack of oxygen. 

1621
00:59:26.033 --> 00:59:26.934
[Kevin] That's pretty easy if
you

1622
00:59:26.934 --> 00:59:28.067
buy the four most annoying 

1623
00:59:28.067 --> 00:59:32.367
spinning lights on the planet!!

1624
00:59:32.367 --> 00:59:34.968
Hey isn't that uh?

1625
00:59:34.968 --> 00:59:36.334
The jai alai player.

1626
00:59:36.334 --> 00:59:37.501
Your jai lai player 

1627
00:59:37.501 --> 00:59:39.133
[Mike] Can I have his prostate?

1628
00:59:39.133 --> 00:59:40.167
Is he dead? 

1629
00:59:40.167 --> 00:59:41.267
On the contrary he's

1630
00:59:41.267 --> 00:59:43.100
in perfect physical condition.

1631
00:59:43.100 --> 00:59:44.901
But in a comatose state.

1632
00:59:44.901 --> 00:59:47.834
[Bill] Like Channing Tatum's
acting!

1633
00:59:47.834 --> 00:59:49.734
Now Mr Harbor.

1634
00:59:49.734 --> 00:59:51.667
Ultimately you will end up here

1635
00:59:51.667 --> 00:59:53.133
That's my gyroscope.

1636
00:59:53.133 --> 00:59:53.801
[Kevin] you can get them

1637
00:59:53.801 --> 00:59:55.200
at Spencer's gifts

1638
00:59:55.200 --> 00:59:56.834
A what??

1639
00:59:56.834 --> 00:59:58.067
My vital organs vault.

1640
00:59:58.067 --> 00:59:59.400
Oh. 

1641
00:59:59.400 --> 01:00:01.367
You mean to tell me

1642
01:00:01.367 --> 01:00:02.734
these things still work?

1643
01:00:02.734 --> 01:00:04.033
[Mike] He's got no problem of
the

1644
01:00:04.033 --> 01:00:06.067
morality of kidnapping 

1645
01:00:06.067 --> 01:00:07.234
and hacking up humans

1646
01:00:07.234 --> 01:00:09.000
he's just kind of mildly

1647
01:00:09.000 --> 01:00:10.567
irritated by the whole
process. 

1648
01:00:10.567 --> 01:00:14.968
(mumbling)

1649
01:00:14.968 --> 01:00:16.968
Incredible. 

1650
01:00:16.968 --> 01:00:18.467
Credibility is the matter of

1651
01:00:18.467 --> 01:00:20.834
exposure and conditioning. 

1652
01:00:20.834 --> 01:00:21.501
[Mike] Could you put a boob 

1653
01:00:21.501 --> 01:00:23.100
in this thing? 

1654
01:00:23.100 --> 01:00:24.033
A few years ago

1655
01:00:24.033 --> 01:00:25.067
An interplanetary flight 

1656
01:00:25.067 --> 01:00:28.067
was considered incredible.

1657
01:00:28.067 --> 01:00:30.634
But now it's a simple matter of
fact. 

1658
01:00:30.634 --> 01:00:31.634
Such as this.

1659
01:00:31.634 --> 01:00:32.467
[Kevin] You have inter planetary

1660
01:00:32.467 --> 01:00:34.000
flight in your pantry?

1661
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:38.801
A high frequency sound wave. 

1662
01:00:38.801 --> 01:00:40.267
I gotta hand it to you Doc. 

1663
01:00:40.267 --> 01:00:41.968
[Mike] I got to hand

1664
01:00:41.968 --> 01:00:43.133
you my sex I mean ehhhh.

1665
01:00:43.133 --> 01:00:45.133
You don't waste a damn thing do
you. 

1666
01:00:45.133 --> 01:00:46.567
Nothing.

1667
01:00:46.567 --> 01:00:48.300
Not even my failures.

1668
01:00:48.300 --> 01:00:51.901
I call him Tyrannosaurus Rex

1669
01:00:51.901 --> 01:00:53.467
After the dinosaur. 

1670
01:00:53.467 --> 01:00:54.834
[Bill] Oh after the dinosaur

1671
01:00:54.834 --> 01:00:55.868
not after the line of

1672
01:00:55.868 --> 01:00:58.067
skin care products?? 

1673
01:00:58.067 --> 01:00:59.501
I wouldn't get too close if I
were you

1674
01:00:59.501 --> 01:01:02.501
That's Goliath.

1675
01:01:02.501 --> 01:01:04.067
Now let me

1676
01:01:04.067 --> 01:01:06.334
introduce you to my pet Shangri
la. 

1677
01:01:06.334 --> 01:01:07.100
[Kevin] She's professor of

1678
01:01:07.100 --> 01:01:08.868
women's studies at Vassar.

1679
01:01:08.868 --> 01:01:10.501
Brain transplant. 

1680
01:01:10.501 --> 01:01:12.234
I had to use the brain of an
ape.

1681
01:01:12.234 --> 01:01:15.434
(indistinct)

1682
01:01:15.434 --> 01:01:18.467
There's Colosis. 

1683
01:01:18.467 --> 01:01:20.634
Didn't he used to play
basketball?

1684
01:01:20.634 --> 01:01:22.367
Mmm hmmm. 

1685
01:01:22.367 --> 01:01:23.133
[Mike] Couldn't make the grade 

1686
01:01:23.133 --> 01:01:24.501
in jai alai huh? 

1687
01:01:24.501 --> 01:01:25.701
He's terribly upset when he's
ignored.

1688
01:01:25.701 --> 01:01:28.267
I think he's jealous.

1689
01:01:28.267 --> 01:01:29.701
[Bill] Whoa take the ice cream
pail

1690
01:01:29.701 --> 01:01:30.968
off my head I'm actually

1691
01:01:30.968 --> 01:01:33.934
a very nice guy!

1692
01:01:33.934 --> 01:01:35.767
We live in an age where 

1693
01:01:35.767 --> 01:01:37.000
fact and fiction are two sides
of

1694
01:01:37.000 --> 01:01:39.234
the same coin. 

1695
01:01:39.234 --> 01:01:41.267
These are creatures which I
created.

1696
01:01:41.267 --> 01:01:43.367
Granted they are mistakes

1697
01:01:43.367 --> 01:01:44.200
[Kevin] Mistake?? 

1698
01:01:44.200 --> 01:01:44.934
I feel like I am

1699
01:01:44.934 --> 01:01:46.033
at my peak. 

1700
01:01:46.033 --> 01:01:48.567
[Bill] Oh shut up Collosis!

1701
01:01:48.567 --> 01:01:54.567
I have a delightful surprise
for you.

1702
01:01:54.567 --> 01:01:56.400
[Kevin] it's not really 

1703
01:01:56.400 --> 01:01:57.501
committed to the hands up thing

1704
01:01:57.501 --> 01:01:59.667
It's a different kind of
experiment 

1705
01:01:59.667 --> 01:02:01.033
one I'm sure you

1706
01:02:01.033 --> 01:02:02.667
will enjoy. 

1707
01:02:02.667 --> 01:02:03.334
Lead on Doc you haven't

1708
01:02:03.334 --> 01:02:05.501
disappointed me yet

1709
01:02:05.501 --> 01:02:06.634
[Bill] I recently added Dolby

1710
01:02:06.634 --> 01:02:09.801
to my mind control machine

1711
01:02:09.801 --> 01:02:10.767
got the light show

1712
01:02:10.767 --> 01:02:14.667
from Hammacher Schlemmer

1713
01:02:14.667 --> 01:02:16.334
[Mike] looks like a typical 70s
talk show

1714
01:02:16.334 --> 01:02:18.968
There are thousands of erotic

1715
01:02:18.968 --> 01:02:20.968
areas not fully experienced

1716
01:02:20.968 --> 01:02:22.801
by the ordinary mind. 

1717
01:02:22.801 --> 01:02:25.534
[Kevin] Hehhh

1718
01:02:25.534 --> 01:02:26.400
[Kevin] As long as sex is in

1719
01:02:26.400 --> 01:02:28.334
the title I'm for it

1720
01:02:28.334 --> 01:02:34.868
(buzzing)

1721
01:02:34.868 --> 01:02:35.868
[Kevin] No I don't think I'm
doing 

1722
01:02:35.868 --> 01:02:37.234
this right I'm just seeing
cartoons

1723
01:02:37.234 --> 01:02:40.133
in my head.

1724
01:02:40.133 --> 01:02:45.100
* *

1725
01:02:45.100 --> 01:02:50.000
[Mike] UGhh his brain has BO

1726
01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:51.334
[Kevin] Uh Ross the machine
hasn't 

1727
01:02:51.334 --> 01:02:54.567
started yet that's just you!

1728
01:02:54.567 --> 01:02:59.501
* *

1729
01:02:59.501 --> 01:03:04.667
[Bill] Yah! Stop that!

1730
01:03:04.667 --> 01:03:05.667
[Mike] okay let's get 

1731
01:03:05.667 --> 01:03:09.167
this over with. (music)

1732
01:03:09.167 --> 01:03:14.000
(music intensifies)

1733
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:15.300
[Kevin] you know when I got
here today 

1734
01:03:15.300 --> 01:03:16.467
I didn't expect to see the 

1735
01:03:16.467 --> 01:03:17.567
most vomit inducing thing

1736
01:03:17.567 --> 01:03:22.667
ever committed to film!!!

1737
01:03:22.667 --> 01:03:27.100
[Mike] No legs ha ha!

1738
01:03:27.100 --> 01:03:28.667
[Bill] Ha Accidentally patched 

1739
01:03:28.667 --> 01:03:29.534
this guy into a 

1740
01:03:29.534 --> 01:03:32.167
three way! 

1741
01:03:32.167 --> 01:03:33.634
How do you stop it?

1742
01:03:33.634 --> 01:03:36.300
Reaction negative.

1743
01:03:36.300 --> 01:03:38.033
[Mike] Yeah you seem really

1744
01:03:38.033 --> 01:03:39.067
worked up about it sister

1745
01:03:39.067 --> 01:03:41.267
Emergency! Emergency!

1746
01:03:41.267 --> 01:03:41.968
The brain is slow to the

1747
01:03:41.968 --> 01:03:43.734
the variation point.

1748
01:03:43.734 --> 01:03:45.100
Notify doctor Sue. 

1749
01:03:45.100 --> 01:03:46.767
Emergency

1750
01:03:46.767 --> 01:03:48.133
Emergency doctor Sue

1751
01:03:48.133 --> 01:03:50.801
[Kevin] always happens when
I'm brain sexing!! 

1752
01:03:50.801 --> 01:03:52.601
Doctor Sue Emergency! 

1753
01:03:52.601 --> 01:03:55.067
[Bill] sorry Kevin

1754
01:03:55.067 --> 01:03:57.434
Prepare for surgery immediately

1755
01:03:57.434 --> 01:04:00.100
[Bill] and get me a brain
cigarette!

1756
01:04:00.100 --> 01:04:03.734
I will rejoin you later.

1757
01:04:03.734 --> 01:04:05.834
[Mike] Ahhhh love you too!

1758
01:04:10.834 --> 01:04:11.968
[Kevin] and bring me a sandwich

1759
01:04:11.968 --> 01:04:15.534
will ya zzzzzz!

1760
01:04:15.534 --> 01:04:18.601
Have Vera join me in the
operating

1761
01:04:18.601 --> 01:04:20.200
room immediately 

1762
01:04:20.200 --> 01:04:22.634
[Bill] I want my brain power
washed! 

1763
01:04:22.634 --> 01:04:23.701
Arrest her

1764
01:04:23.701 --> 01:04:25.033
place her in detention. 

1765
01:04:25.033 --> 01:04:25.868
And schedule her for

1766
01:04:25.868 --> 01:04:26.901
a complete dissection,

1767
01:04:26.901 --> 01:04:28.801
[Mike] and a Brazilian. 

1768
01:04:28.801 --> 01:04:29.667
Take her away. 

1769
01:04:29.667 --> 01:04:33.901
Move!

1770
01:04:33.901 --> 01:04:34.601
Guard!

1771
01:04:34.601 --> 01:04:36.267
[Kevin] Yes my child?

1772
01:04:36.267 --> 01:04:38.067
Take Mr Harbor to my office. 

1773
01:04:38.067 --> 01:04:39.067
[Kevin] Uh sorry could have

1774
01:04:39.067 --> 01:04:42.067
sworn you said God there, God
out.

1775
01:04:42.067 --> 01:04:47.000
(footsteps)

1776
01:04:47.000 --> 01:04:48.033
[Bill] Take your time we'll
wait. 

1777
01:04:48.033 --> 01:04:51.100
Stroll at your own pace

1778
01:04:51.100 --> 01:04:54.634
(footsteps)

1779
01:04:54.634 --> 01:04:57.634
[Mike] What are you? 

1780
01:04:57.634 --> 01:04:59.801
Are you fitness walking? 

1781
01:04:59.801 --> 01:05:01.300
Why are you doing that? 

1782
01:05:01.300 --> 01:05:03.534
Stop it!

1783
01:05:03.534 --> 01:05:08.300
(footsteps)

1784
01:05:08.300 --> 01:05:10.334
[Kevin] ah taking her down to
the 

1785
01:05:10.334 --> 01:05:11.234
secret bunker to meet the real
mastermind

1786
01:05:11.234 --> 01:05:14.534
behind all of this--Becky Hitler

1787
01:05:19.767 --> 01:05:22.934
[Bill] Their landscapers way
into zelda

1788
01:05:22.934 --> 01:05:27.601
(music) 

1789
01:05:27.601 --> 01:05:29.834
[Kevin] Check out how young my
hands look!

1790
01:05:34.968 --> 01:05:36.033
[Mike] so, you want to patty
cake

1791
01:05:36.033 --> 01:05:36.801
huh? 

1792
01:05:36.801 --> 01:05:38.567
Bring it!

1793
01:05:42.234 --> 01:05:43.801
[Kevin] this fight scene has it
all-slapping

1794
01:05:43.801 --> 01:05:47.000
shoving and of course falling
over

1795
01:05:47.000 --> 01:05:51.000
* *

1796
01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:53.501
[Bill] you know if it had more
of this maybe

1797
01:05:53.501 --> 01:05:56.467
Spice World wouldn't have
flopped so badly

1798
01:05:56.467 --> 01:06:01.567
* *

1799
01:06:01.567 --> 01:06:04.834
[Mike] Hang on.. aggghhh okay!!

1800
01:06:07.200 --> 01:06:08.167
[Kevin] Come on Vogue!

1801
01:06:08.167 --> 01:06:09.100
you call that Vogue-ing???

1802
01:06:09.100 --> 01:06:13.267
Come on!!!

1803
01:06:13.267 --> 01:06:14.701
[Bill] Wonder women!!!! 

1804
01:06:14.701 --> 01:06:15.934
Their motto

1805
01:06:15.934 --> 01:06:23.067
Fighting is hard!!

1806
01:06:23.067 --> 01:06:28.067
[Kevin] He caaaaved Ah!!!

1807
01:06:28.067 --> 01:06:29.300
(slap) [Kevin] and she's
brought 

1808
01:06:29.300 --> 01:06:31.667
down by an ear slap

1809
01:06:31.667 --> 01:06:35.534
(gong sounds)

1810
01:06:40.534 --> 01:06:45.334
Linda don't shoot I want out
too.

1811
01:06:45.334 --> 01:06:46.868
Together we can make it.

1812
01:06:46.868 --> 01:06:49.033
Good. 

1813
01:06:49.033 --> 01:06:50.534
Let's get Mike out. 

1814
01:06:50.534 --> 01:06:51.167
Just a minute we need to 

1815
01:06:51.167 --> 01:06:51.868
create a diversion

1816
01:06:51.868 --> 01:06:52.868
or it won't work. 

1817
01:06:52.868 --> 01:06:54.601
You're right what will we do? 

1818
01:06:54.601 --> 01:06:55.534
[Mike] Well erotic dance

1819
01:06:55.534 --> 01:06:57.367
of course. 

1820
01:06:57.367 --> 01:06:58.501
Dr Suesfreks. 

1821
01:06:58.501 --> 01:06:59.100
Good. 

1822
01:06:59.100 --> 01:07:00.200
You take this.

1823
01:07:00.200 --> 01:07:01.200
Go down let him out, 

1824
01:07:01.200 --> 01:07:02.033
I'll get Mike.

1825
01:07:02.033 --> 01:07:02.934
We'll meet at the boat dock,

1826
01:07:02.934 --> 01:07:04.567
Right

1827
01:07:04.567 --> 01:07:05.934
* *[Kevin] Most dangerous 

1828
01:07:05.934 --> 01:07:07.334
part of being a wonder woman?

1829
01:07:07.334 --> 01:07:09.767
The chafing. **

1830
01:07:09.767 --> 01:07:16.501
* *

1831
01:07:16.501 --> 01:07:18.567
(shot fires)

1832
01:07:18.567 --> 01:07:19.868
[Bill] Wow she paint balled
the door open

1833
01:07:19.868 --> 01:07:26.033
* *

1834
01:07:26.033 --> 01:07:27.901
[Mike] And they're off and
running

1835
01:07:27.901 --> 01:07:29.100
Glen Howard takes an early

1836
01:07:29.100 --> 01:07:32.167
lead followed by caveman Trent
Resner, Matchhead,

1837
01:07:32.167 --> 01:07:33.234
and bringing up the rear 

1838
01:07:33.234 --> 01:07:38.400
the smarter version of Dennis
Rodman

1839
01:07:38.400 --> 01:07:39.734
[Kevin] Ah dropped my damn keys 

1840
01:07:39.734 --> 01:07:40.934
in this guy's brain.

1841
01:07:40.934 --> 01:07:48.033
Never gonna get them out!

1842
01:07:48.033 --> 01:07:48.767
Alert!!!!

1843
01:07:48.767 --> 01:07:49.501
Alert!! 

1844
01:07:49.501 --> 01:07:51.133
Escape in progress! 

1845
01:07:51.133 --> 01:07:52.234
The Cage rooms specimens 

1846
01:07:52.234 --> 01:07:53.400
are loose. 

1847
01:07:53.400 --> 01:07:54.400
[Bill] folks feel free to use 

1848
01:07:54.400 --> 01:07:56.167
the name cage room specimens
for your

1849
01:07:56.167 --> 01:07:58.667
metal band!

1850
01:07:58.667 --> 01:07:59.634
Escape in progress! 

1851
01:07:59.634 --> 01:08:01.801
The Cage Room Specimens are
loose!

1852
01:08:01.801 --> 01:08:04.300
Close the door. 

1853
01:08:04.300 --> 01:08:06.133
[Mike] and get me

1854
01:08:06.133 --> 01:08:09.100
fresh vinyl seat cover for my
head.

1855
01:08:09.100 --> 01:08:10.601
Attention Cage Room specimens 

1856
01:08:10.601 --> 01:08:12.901
are to be destroyed on site!

1857
01:08:12.901 --> 01:08:16.133
[Kevin] off to the Freddy
Mercury cosplay con

1858
01:08:16.133 --> 01:08:19.000
(indistinct)

1859
01:08:19.000 --> 01:08:21.534
(siren sounds)

1860
01:08:21.534 --> 01:08:22.634
[Bill] well back to doing magic
shows

1861
01:08:22.634 --> 01:08:24.133
for bar mitzvahs.

1862
01:08:24.133 --> 01:08:25.000
Alert!

1863
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:30.167
Alert!

1864
01:08:30.167 --> 01:08:31.634
[Mike] Footage borrowed from 

1865
01:08:31.634 --> 01:08:35.734
a Greg Kinn music video circa
1985.

1866
01:08:35.734 --> 01:08:38.467
(sirens sounds)

1867
01:08:38.467 --> 01:08:40.400
[Kevin] Good thing I wore my 

1868
01:08:40.400 --> 01:08:42.033
sneaking boots and stealth bra
today

1869
01:08:42.033 --> 01:08:46.601
(siren sounds)

1870
01:08:46.601 --> 01:08:50.801
* *

1871
01:08:50.801 --> 01:08:53.067
[Bill] Ahh yahh gennn!

1872
01:08:53.067 --> 01:08:58.000
* *

1873
01:08:58.000 --> 01:08:59.300
[Mike] Wow when she said she'd
kill 

1874
01:08:59.300 --> 01:09:01.801
for those earrings she wasn't
kidding

1875
01:09:01.801 --> 01:09:05.000
* *

1876
01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:09.334
[Kevin] Ah ha mint underpants! 

1877
01:09:09.334 --> 01:09:13.400
[Bill] didn't she pull those
out earlier

1878
01:09:13.400 --> 01:09:14.400
You know if you really

1879
01:09:14.400 --> 01:09:16.400
came down I knew you would take
me.

1880
01:09:16.400 --> 01:09:17.334
You've got a big mouth

1881
01:09:17.334 --> 01:09:19.400
We've got to get out of here.

1882
01:09:19.400 --> 01:09:21.367
Otherwise all hell's gonna
break loose.

1883
01:09:21.367 --> 01:09:23.100
Not yet

1884
01:09:23.100 --> 01:09:24.934
I got a hundred grand laying
around

1885
01:09:24.934 --> 01:09:26.400
someplace if he's still alive. 

1886
01:09:26.400 --> 01:09:28.000
Who is it?

1887
01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:28.801
The jai alai player

1888
01:09:28.801 --> 01:09:29.901
Grab the machine gun. 

1889
01:09:29.901 --> 01:09:30.934
In an emergency operation he's
the one.

1890
01:09:30.934 --> 01:09:32.267
Lead the way

1891
01:09:32.267 --> 01:09:33.467
[Bill] any of that make sense
to you?

1892
01:09:33.467 --> 01:09:34.901
[Mike] Doesn't matter, lead the
way

1893
01:09:34.901 --> 01:09:38.000
(sirens)

1894
01:09:38.000 --> 01:09:39.968
[Kevin] Give me that

1895
01:09:39.968 --> 01:09:42.267
(sirens) 

1896
01:09:42.267 --> 01:09:46.000
* *

1897
01:09:46.000 --> 01:09:47.934
[Mike] It's safer this way
honey, me fully armed 

1898
01:09:47.934 --> 01:09:53.000
you essentially bottomless

1899
01:09:53.000 --> 01:09:57.400
[Kevin] Bienvenue 

1900
01:09:57.400 --> 01:09:59.334
Welcome!

1901
01:09:59.334 --> 01:10:02.934
* *

1902
01:10:02.934 --> 01:10:03.801
He's dead. 

1903
01:10:03.801 --> 01:10:06.667
[Bill] I knew that CATHY!!

1904
01:10:06.667 --> 01:10:10.868
Leave me,

1905
01:10:10.868 --> 01:10:13.367
[Kevin] Stick this on the
hibachi.

1906
01:10:20.167 --> 01:10:21.501
[Mike] Well at least I still
have one

1907
01:10:21.501 --> 01:10:23.601
in the fridge for the holidays

1908
01:10:33.267 --> 01:10:34.501
[Kevin] There's her problem she 

1909
01:10:34.501 --> 01:10:35.367
couldn't see for all 

1910
01:10:35.367 --> 01:10:40.901
the snot!

1911
01:10:40.901 --> 01:10:42.901
* *shots fire)

1912
01:10:42.901 --> 01:10:43.934
[Bill] I'm not clear

1913
01:10:43.934 --> 01:10:46.601
(shots fire) what I'm dying
for?? 

1914
01:10:46.601 --> 01:10:49.934
(shots fire)

1915
01:10:49.934 --> 01:10:54.033
[Mike] wow she really hates
colored liquids.

1916
01:10:54.033 --> 01:10:56.367
[Kevin] and giblets!

1917
01:10:56.367 --> 01:11:01.567
(shots fire)

1918
01:11:01.567 --> 01:11:02.801
[Bill] Thank you for taking
charge

1919
01:11:02.801 --> 01:11:04.100
I was so afraid when I killed
three

1920
01:11:04.100 --> 01:11:05.901
guards to rescue you 

1921
01:11:05.901 --> 01:11:07.801
[Mike] Just keep your legs out
of the way

1922
01:11:07.801 --> 01:11:13.901
* *

1923
01:11:13.901 --> 01:11:14.934
(shots fire)

1924
01:11:14.934 --> 01:11:17.067
[Mike] We're terrible hench
women!!

1925
01:11:17.067 --> 01:11:20.934
* *

1926
01:11:20.934 --> 01:11:25.767
(sirens)

1927
01:11:25.767 --> 01:11:27.133
[Kevin] wow just think about

1928
01:11:27.133 --> 01:11:28.601
the collective amount of
chafing 

1929
01:11:28.601 --> 01:11:30.000
that's going on right now 

1930
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:35.200
[Bill] Ah enough about chafing
huh?

1931
01:11:35.200 --> 01:11:37.000
* *[Mike] Okay if I stay alive

1932
01:11:37.000 --> 01:11:41.567
be cool (indistinct)

1933
01:11:41.567 --> 01:11:48.133
(shots fire)

1934
01:11:48.133 --> 01:11:49.267
[Kevin] okay admit it

1935
01:11:49.267 --> 01:11:50.334
I know you're bringing me to a

1936
01:11:50.334 --> 01:11:51.868
surprise party right?

1937
01:11:51.868 --> 01:11:53.467
Come on everybody I'm wise!

1938
01:11:53.467 --> 01:11:56.133
You nuts! ha ha

1939
01:11:56.133 --> 01:12:04.133
* *

1940
01:12:05.300 --> 01:12:06.501
[Bill] If I grab your butt it's
because

1941
01:12:06.501 --> 01:12:08.400
i'm blindfolded and disoriented
okay?

1942
01:12:08.400 --> 01:12:14.200
* *

1943
01:12:14.200 --> 01:12:15.133
[Mike] He didn't notice me

1944
01:12:15.133 --> 01:12:17.968
taking a dump back there damn

1945
01:12:17.968 --> 01:12:22.400
* *

1946
01:12:22.400 --> 01:12:24.067
[Kevin] He's due on the set

1947
01:12:24.067 --> 01:12:25.501
of a Filipino Austin Powers

1948
01:12:25.501 --> 01:12:27.801
rip off in twenty minutes

1949
01:12:27.801 --> 01:12:35.734
* *

1950
01:12:36.767 --> 01:12:37.968
[Bill] Kiss really loses

1951
01:12:37.968 --> 01:12:40.801
something without the Kabuki
makeup

1952
01:12:40.801 --> 01:12:45.801
* *

1953
01:12:45.801 --> 01:12:47.067
[Mike] I would consider this
escape 

1954
01:12:47.067 --> 01:12:48.367
an utter failure if they

1955
01:12:48.367 --> 01:12:49.534
don't find some way to

1956
01:12:49.534 --> 01:12:50.767
destroy at least one 

1957
01:12:50.767 --> 01:12:53.133
innocent chicken on a stick

1958
01:12:53.133 --> 01:12:56.200
(shots fire)

1959
01:12:56.200 --> 01:12:57.100
[Kevin] Exactly how it went

1960
01:12:57.100 --> 01:12:58.033
when I freaked out and tried

1961
01:12:58.033 --> 01:12:59.000
to escape the enchanted 

1962
01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:01.968
Tiki Room at Disneyland

1963
01:13:01.968 --> 01:13:05.067
(shots fire) 

1964
01:13:05.067 --> 01:13:06.133
[Bill] Ah must have been a
member of the

1965
01:13:06.133 --> 01:13:07.901
Detroit Pistons

1966
01:13:07.901 --> 01:13:13.133
* *

1967
01:13:13.133 --> 01:13:13.868
[Mike] Whoever had 

1968
01:13:13.868 --> 01:13:14.601
the guts to go for the

1969
01:13:14.601 --> 01:13:20.000
full tonture

1970
01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:22.467
[Kevin] My cane

1971
01:13:22.467 --> 01:13:30.400
is hilarious!

1972
01:13:31.701 --> 01:13:36.767
[Bill] Is this movie kind of
stupid?

1973
01:13:36.767 --> 01:13:39.133
[Mike] I gently prick you to
death

1974
01:13:39.133 --> 01:13:44.033
* *

1975
01:13:44.033 --> 01:13:47.033
[Kevin] Ha ha come to papa baby

1976
01:13:47.033 --> 01:13:48.033
I got the weird looking one?

1977
01:13:48.033 --> 01:13:51.667
AH Gross!!

1978
01:13:51.667 --> 01:13:56.300
(shot fires)

1979
01:13:56.300 --> 01:13:57.601
[Mike] A lot of people sure did 

1980
01:13:57.601 --> 01:14:00.133
die in a hail of bullets just
now

1981
01:14:00.133 --> 01:14:06.000
Wonder who's on Fallon tonight?

1982
01:14:06.000 --> 01:14:06.868
[Mike] Hey you're uh 

1983
01:14:06.868 --> 01:14:07.801
you're getting my crotch

1984
01:14:07.801 --> 01:14:08.534
right guys?

1985
01:14:08.534 --> 01:14:10.434
My crotch on camera ? 

1986
01:14:10.434 --> 01:14:14.534
Yeah?

1987
01:14:14.534 --> 01:14:15.467
[Kevin] Oh sweet!

1988
01:14:15.467 --> 01:14:16.400
Free colostomy bags! 

1989
01:14:16.400 --> 01:14:19.601
Hey you never know?!

1990
01:14:19.601 --> 01:14:25.868
(siren sounds)

1991
01:14:25.868 --> 01:14:28.067
He's unharmed Mr Harbor 

1992
01:14:28.067 --> 01:14:28.868
[Bill] I will not give 

1993
01:14:28.868 --> 01:14:30.801
up my favorite decoration.

1994
01:14:30.801 --> 01:14:31.634
I like jai alai

1995
01:14:31.634 --> 01:14:35.167
guy where he is! 

1996
01:14:35.167 --> 01:14:36.834
That will do you no good. 

1997
01:14:36.834 --> 01:14:39.501
The glass is armoured it's
bullet proof

1998
01:14:39.501 --> 01:14:40.701
[Mike] I trust you entirely

1999
01:14:40.701 --> 01:14:44.534
powermad super villain

2000
01:14:44.534 --> 01:14:45.834
Listen lady aren't you a 

2001
01:14:45.834 --> 01:14:46.868
little tired of playing God? 

2002
01:14:46.868 --> 01:14:47.834
[Kevin] something Oprah's
assistant

2003
01:14:47.834 --> 01:14:49.601
asks her every day. 

2004
01:14:49.601 --> 01:14:51.467
Just remember like all great
minds

2005
01:14:51.467 --> 01:14:54.067
we cannot avoid our destiny. 

2006
01:14:54.067 --> 01:14:56.701
Goodbye Mr Harbor

2007
01:14:56.701 --> 01:14:58.100
[Bill] So she was a giant 

2008
01:14:58.100 --> 01:15:00.934
sack of flour all along!

2009
01:15:00.934 --> 01:15:02.934
Explains a lot.

2010
01:15:02.934 --> 01:15:07.400
Come on kid let's go home.

2011
01:15:07.400 --> 01:15:08.267
[Mike] Obviously bringing

2012
01:15:08.267 --> 01:15:09.400
you out of this stage is a 

2013
01:15:09.400 --> 01:15:12.167
delicate process so we have to
be masculine

2014
01:15:12.167 --> 01:15:18.834
* *

2015
01:15:18.834 --> 01:15:20.400
[Kevin] mmmmmm now this puts
the hot

2016
01:15:20.400 --> 01:15:23.968
jai lai into hi I likey what I
see!!

2017
01:15:23.968 --> 01:15:25.834
He he

2018
01:15:25.834 --> 01:15:27.434
Sorry just trying something
guys.

2019
01:15:27.434 --> 01:15:28.601
Gotta work on my 1960s purr
skills

2020
01:15:28.601 --> 01:15:31.033
[Bill] Yeah you do.

2021
01:15:31.033 --> 01:15:34.167
* *

2022
01:15:34.167 --> 01:15:38.901
[Mike] ah poolside vodka! 

2023
01:15:38.901 --> 01:15:39.968
That takes me back

2024
01:15:39.968 --> 01:15:41.601
to my days as a lifeguard. 

2025
01:15:41.601 --> 01:15:48.667
And a lengthy trial that
followed.

2026
01:15:48.667 --> 01:15:49.634
[Kevin] you know I get it,

2027
01:15:49.634 --> 01:15:50.734
It's called Wonder Women
because I

2028
01:15:50.734 --> 01:15:52.067
wonder why any women would 

2029
01:15:52.067 --> 01:15:53.968
agree to be in it?!

2030
01:15:53.968 --> 01:15:57.367
* *

2031
01:15:57.367 --> 01:16:00.934
[Bill] Becaru's brother--Jeeves
Sulu!

2032
01:16:00.934 --> 01:16:04.734
* *

2033
01:16:04.734 --> 01:16:05.667
[Mike] There's another dead
possum 

2034
01:16:05.667 --> 01:16:09.567
clogging the pool filter.

2035
01:16:09.567 --> 01:16:12.100
You suit yourself. but it's
true.

2036
01:16:12.100 --> 01:16:14.267
Lloyds of london won't believe
it either.

2037
01:16:14.267 --> 01:16:15.601
Lorenzo it doesn't matter. 

2038
01:16:15.601 --> 01:16:16.367
[Kevin] Uh the servant made

2039
01:16:16.367 --> 01:16:17.367
eye contact with me

2040
01:16:17.367 --> 01:16:19.367
Have him destroyed. 

2041
01:16:19.367 --> 01:16:21.067
What's his name-the jai alai

2042
01:16:21.067 --> 01:16:22.434
player back in one piece.

2043
01:16:22.434 --> 01:16:24.067
All I want is my check for
$160,000.

2044
01:16:24.067 --> 01:16:25.133
[Bill] this might have been a
Terry

2045
01:16:25.133 --> 01:16:27.300
Silver origin story all along. 

2046
01:16:27.300 --> 01:16:28.100
After all it's not every day 

2047
01:16:28.100 --> 01:16:29.033
we can save the company a

2048
01:16:29.033 --> 01:16:30.767
half million dollars. 

2049
01:16:30.767 --> 01:16:33.767
That is with certain large
deductions.

2050
01:16:33.767 --> 01:16:34.767
[Mike] Four thousand dollars for

2051
01:16:34.767 --> 01:16:37.367
hotel room adult channels? 

2052
01:16:37.367 --> 01:16:41.167
Get help man!

2053
01:16:41.167 --> 01:16:42.968
Here you are. 

2054
01:16:42.968 --> 01:16:44.200
I'm sure it's gonna

2055
01:16:44.200 --> 01:16:45.334
be put to all kinds of

2056
01:16:45.334 --> 01:16:46.634
good use. 

2057
01:16:46.634 --> 01:16:48.467
[Kevin] Hey I have a Ph.d. in 

2058
01:16:48.467 --> 01:16:49.868
astrophysics quit leering at me!

2059
01:16:49.868 --> 01:16:51.701
You know they're expecting you
in Rome?

2060
01:16:51.701 --> 01:16:52.767
Sorry

2061
01:16:52.767 --> 01:16:54.334
You promised them you'd meet
them there.

2062
01:16:54.334 --> 01:16:56.901
Postpone it. 

2063
01:16:56.901 --> 01:16:58.300
I'm gonna take a vacation.

2064
01:16:58.300 --> 01:16:59.834
A very long vacation.

2065
01:16:59.834 --> 01:17:00.968
[Kevin] and I may spend all of
it

2066
01:17:00.968 --> 01:17:04.000
in my aunt's bathrobe.

2067
01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:05.968
You know it's gonna cost my
company

2068
01:17:05.968 --> 01:17:06.868
five million dollars if those
jewels

2069
01:17:06.868 --> 01:17:08.133
are not recovered? 

2070
01:17:08.133 --> 01:17:09.400
Why it's the crime of the
century. 

2071
01:17:09.400 --> 01:17:10.601
[Mike] makes the great muppet
caper look

2072
01:17:10.601 --> 01:17:11.934
like a mere average muppet
caper!

2073
01:17:11.934 --> 01:17:13.334
Genius to solve it!

2074
01:17:13.334 --> 01:17:16.000
Sorry. 

2075
01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:17.667
I figure it's gonna take me

2076
01:17:17.667 --> 01:17:19.267
two maybe three 

2077
01:17:19.267 --> 01:17:21.033
[Kevin] Viagras?

2078
01:17:21.033 --> 01:17:21.868
Three weeks to get

2079
01:17:21.868 --> 01:17:23.701
my strength back

2080
01:17:23.701 --> 01:17:24.934
Mike I'm prepared to offer
you--

2081
01:17:24.934 --> 01:17:25.934
Lorenzo!

2082
01:17:25.934 --> 01:17:27.067
[Kevin] go back to your oil. 

2083
01:17:27.067 --> 01:17:27.868
It's a proposition that's

2084
01:17:27.868 --> 01:17:30.167
too good to turn down.

2085
01:17:30.167 --> 01:17:31.501
Number two houseboy. 

2086
01:17:31.501 --> 01:17:32.834
Will you show our guest out?

2087
01:17:32.834 --> 01:17:34.067
[Mike] Houseboy number one is
taking a

2088
01:17:34.067 --> 01:17:36.000
house boy number two. 

2089
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:37.901
I'll tell him I tried.

2090
01:17:37.901 --> 01:17:40.434
Two weeks? 

2091
01:17:40.434 --> 01:17:42.133
[Kevin] As unequivocally

2092
01:17:42.133 --> 01:17:46.400
stated less than twenty seconds
ago.

2093
01:17:46.400 --> 01:17:49.300
Mike I hope I'm worth it? 

2094
01:17:49.300 --> 01:17:50.400
Oh well money can't

2095
01:17:50.400 --> 01:17:51.734
buy everything.

2096
01:17:51.734 --> 01:17:52.501
But he did say it was 

2097
01:17:52.501 --> 01:17:54.100
the crime of the century. 

2098
01:17:54.100 --> 01:17:55.234
[Bill] Crime of the century was 

2099
01:17:55.234 --> 01:17:57.767
whatever her acting coach
charged her!

2100
01:18:01.734 --> 01:18:02.767
[Mike] Will you teach me to

2101
01:18:02.767 --> 01:18:04.834
play harder checkers? 

2102
01:18:04.834 --> 01:18:07.567
Do you play well?

2103
01:18:07.567 --> 01:18:08.667
Well Bobby Fisher we're 

2104
01:18:08.667 --> 01:18:11.167
masters of the game of chess. 

2105
01:18:11.167 --> 01:18:14.167
[Kevin] then he found out my
mom was Jewish

2106
01:18:14.167 --> 01:18:16.234
If you want. 

2107
01:18:16.234 --> 01:18:18.133
Yes I want. 

2108
01:18:18.133 --> 01:18:22.667
[Mike]Check... Mate! (Kevin
laughs)

2109
01:18:22.667 --> 01:18:25.534
It's your move. 

2110
01:18:25.534 --> 01:18:26.667
[Mike] Doesn't white
traditionally go

2111
01:18:26.667 --> 01:18:27.400
first?

2112
01:18:27.400 --> 01:18:29.000
[Kevin] Don't ruin my

2113
01:18:29.000 --> 01:18:31.834
sleazy banter ehhhh

2114
01:18:31.834 --> 01:18:39.834
* *[Bill] That can't be good
for his self esteem!

2115
01:18:41.801 --> 01:18:43.968
[Mike] What happened to this
one's horsey? 

2116
01:18:43.968 --> 01:18:45.901
[Kevin] Well he never had one 

2117
01:18:45.901 --> 01:18:47.901
[Mike] What sound does this one
make?

2118
01:18:47.901 --> 01:18:49.334
[Mike] I'm scared of the castles

2119
01:18:49.334 --> 01:18:50.501
you take mine

2120
01:18:50.501 --> 01:18:54.000
[Kevin] Okay we're playing go
fish

2121
01:18:54.000 --> 01:18:55.133
[Kevin] Gary Kasparov tried the
same

2122
01:18:55.133 --> 01:18:57.767
seduction technique against
deep blue 

2123
01:18:57.767 --> 01:18:59.200
[Bill] please don't say deep or

2124
01:18:59.200 --> 01:19:02.701
blue while she's doing that. 

2125
01:19:02.701 --> 01:19:04.167
[Mike] Good thing they're not
playing Monopoly

2126
01:19:04.167 --> 01:19:05.267
It would be a lot less sexy 

2127
01:19:05.267 --> 01:19:06.200
if she was rubbing marvin

2128
01:19:06.200 --> 01:19:08.400
gardens on her lips

2129
01:19:08.400 --> 01:19:12.934
* *

2130
01:19:12.934 --> 01:19:13.767
[Kevin] Should have known
something

2131
01:19:13.767 --> 01:19:15.133
was up when her EHarmony 

2132
01:19:15.133 --> 01:19:22.834
profile just said "duuuhhhhhhh"

2133
01:19:22.834 --> 01:19:24.868
[Mike] ah Blumenfeld's gambit! 

2134
01:19:24.868 --> 01:19:26.501
Very clever madam! 

2135
01:19:26.501 --> 01:19:33.634
Allow me to counter with my
penis! 

2136
01:19:33.634 --> 01:19:35.567
[Mike] She's Kristen Stewart in
a blonde wig

2137
01:19:35.567 --> 01:19:37.701
isn't she?

2138
01:19:37.701 --> 01:19:41.267
[Kevin] this is much sexier
than the time

2139
01:19:41.267 --> 01:19:43.167
he played houseboy number

2140
01:19:43.167 --> 01:19:50.467
two in bikini chess! **

2141
01:19:50.467 --> 01:19:52.968
[Kevin] (laughs) Nothing there!

2142
01:19:52.968 --> 01:19:56.534
* *

2143
01:19:56.534 --> 01:19:57.968
[Mike] mmm oh yeah the way you
repelled 

2144
01:19:57.968 --> 01:20:00.868
Punziani's opening with the
Karadon

2145
01:20:00.868 --> 01:20:06.501
defenses gets me so hot baby
ehhhh

2146
01:20:06.501 --> 01:20:08.567
[Kevin] Don't think about that

2147
01:20:08.567 --> 01:20:09.667
weird tail at the market.

2148
01:20:09.667 --> 01:20:11.100
You don't want to imagine it
writhing

2149
01:20:11.100 --> 01:20:13.734
over your mouth and down your
throat

2150
01:20:13.734 --> 01:20:15.267
Oh God.

2151
01:20:15.267 --> 01:20:20.334
* *

2152
01:20:20.334 --> 01:20:21.467
[Bill] this happens to me every
time

2153
01:20:21.467 --> 01:20:23.634
I play settlers of catan.

2154
01:20:23.634 --> 01:20:24.501
I find the

2155
01:20:24.501 --> 01:20:25.400
act of trading sheep 

2156
01:20:25.400 --> 01:20:27.434
for bricks very erotic. 

2157
01:20:27.434 --> 01:20:31.801
I make no apologies!!

2158
01:20:31.801 --> 01:20:33.167
(gong sounds)

2159
01:20:33.167 --> 01:20:34.801
[Kevin] Your gong works!!

2160
01:20:34.801 --> 01:20:39.534
* *

2161
01:20:39.534 --> 01:20:40.801
[Bill] Yeah we've been standing

2162
01:20:40.801 --> 01:20:44.534
here for forty minutes

2163
01:20:44.534 --> 01:20:51.000
[Mike] Erghhhhhhhhh

2164
01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:53.667
[Mike] LLLLLLLLL.....

2165
01:20:53.667 --> 01:20:59.033
* *

2166
01:20:59.033 --> 01:21:00.801
Ladies.......

2167
01:21:00.801 --> 01:21:02.334
Goodbye Mr Harbor. 

2168
01:21:02.334 --> 01:21:03.834
Like all great minds we cannot 

2169
01:21:03.834 --> 01:21:05.634
avoid our destiny

2170
01:21:05.634 --> 01:21:07.267
[Kevin] Yes this was a tale 

2171
01:21:07.267 --> 01:21:08.467
of great minds!

2172
01:21:08.467 --> 01:21:10.167
[Mike] Yes indeed

2173
01:21:10.167 --> 01:21:12.968
* *

2174
01:21:12.968 --> 01:21:14.000
[Bill] the Wonder Women will
return in

2175
01:21:14.000 --> 01:21:15.767
the shifts at various small

2176
01:21:15.767 --> 01:21:16.868
markets Hooter's restaurants

2177
01:21:16.868 --> 01:21:19.334
over the year 

2178
01:21:19.334 --> 01:21:20.167
[Mike] Thanks for joining us 

2179
01:21:20.167 --> 01:21:21.200
today folks for a

2180
01:21:21.200 --> 01:21:22.934
delightful romp of a movie where

2181
01:21:22.934 --> 01:21:25.200
many many people and animals

2182
01:21:25.200 --> 01:21:26.801
died horribly 

2183
01:21:26.801 --> 01:21:28.200
[Bill] Fortunately at least a
few

2184
01:21:28.200 --> 01:21:29.634
of them were actors

2185
01:21:29.634 --> 01:21:30.968
[Kevin] and before we wok a
chick on

2186
01:21:30.968 --> 01:21:33.267
our last wok a chick we'd like
to remind you

2187
01:21:33.267 --> 01:21:34.567
that we're a tiny independent 

2188
01:21:34.567 --> 01:21:36.734
company that relies on our
customers to keep

2189
01:21:36.734 --> 01:21:38.901
making the thing that you
enjoy! 

2190
01:21:38.901 --> 01:21:40.234
[Bill] so wait we're not a 

2191
01:21:40.234 --> 01:21:42.234
division of comglomco

2192
01:21:42.234 --> 01:21:43.234
incorporated? 

2193
01:21:43.234 --> 01:21:44.234
[Mike] No no so if you got
handed

2194
01:21:44.234 --> 01:21:45.367
this Rifftrax by a stranger

2195
01:21:45.367 --> 01:21:46.801
at a cock fight or it slithered

2196
01:21:46.801 --> 01:21:49.667
by you on the street at a
crowded market

2197
01:21:49.667 --> 01:21:51.467
or if you lost consciousness

2198
01:21:51.467 --> 01:21:53.200
when you woke up a sinister

2199
01:21:53.200 --> 01:21:54.968
female doctor has implanted 

2200
01:21:54.968 --> 01:21:57.033
it directly in your brain please

2201
01:21:57.033 --> 01:21:59.734
head to Rifftrax.com/donate 

2202
01:21:59.734 --> 01:22:01.467
and chip in your fair share!

2203
01:22:01.467 --> 01:22:02.601
[Kevin] It's what that horrible

2204
01:22:02.601 --> 01:22:03.968
tail thing would want 

2205
01:22:03.968 --> 01:22:06.534
Bye!

2206
01:22:06.534 --> 01:22:08.601
[Mike] say no to legs!

2207
01:22:08.601 --> 01:22:12.000
* *

2208
01:22:12.000 --> 01:22:14.834
* *

2209
01:22:14.834 --> 01:22:19.767
* *

2210
01:22:19.767 --> 01:22:22.968
* *

2211
01:22:22.968 --> 01:22:23.400
* *