There’s a vicious monster roaming the streets of London, eating victims’ internal organs.

When this guy orders steak and kidney pie, he says “Hold the steak and.” There’s only one man who can stop it: Harley Stone, who dresses exactly as ridiculous as you should with a name like Harley Stone.

Stone’s job is not made any easier by the fact that London is flooded due to Global Warming. This mainly means that the streets are kind of wet. Stone’s apartment is also a total mess, infested by pigeons, and he probably tries to blame this on Global Warming as well. The fact that when you hit the “Previous Channel” button on his remote it goes to scrambled Spice Network? Global Warming!!

Helping him out are his partner, Dick Durkin, whose name sounds like an embarrassing medical condition, and Kim Cattrall, who is fortunately played by Kim Cattrall. They’re forced to descend into the London sewers to confront a monster who the movie may eventually get around to showing for more than eight frames at a time.

Set your clocks to Rutger Hauer, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Split Second!

Written by: Mike Nelson, Conor Lastowka, and Sean Thomason

Contributing writers: Jason Miller and Zach Shatzer.