You expect a movie called The Revenge of Doctor X to have two things: a character named Dr. X and said character enacting some sort of revenge. Were it to lack a Dr. X, you might assume this was a careless oversight. Were it to lack revenge, you might be slightly upset, but perhaps hopeful that it instead replaced it with something comparably exciting, such as blackmail or bobsledding. Were a movie called The Revenge of Doctor X to lack BOTH revenge and Dr. X however, there could be only one explanation: Ed Wood was involved.

Yes, Ed Wood reportedly penned the screenplay for this movie, which of course contains no Dr. X and no noticeable revenge. It begins with Dr. Bragin, NASA’s chief aerospace engineer. When a rocket launch goes awry, Dr. Brain’s assistant suggests that he immediately take a vacation to Japan. As one does. Dr. Bragin responds, as he does to just about every situation, with barely contained sputtering rage. On the way to Japan, NASA’s chief aerospace engineer stops at a service station/plant nursery/snake farm. Again, as one does.

Here he buys a venus flytrap, which he smuggles into Japan. Waiting for him in Japan is his assistant’s cousin, who informs him that she will take the next few months off from work to accompany him to an abandoned resort that her father owns with a fully functional greenhouse and a hunchbacked caretaker that is near the rim of an active volcano. Yes, yes, a familiar cliche, but stick with us here.

Dr. Bragin/X crossbreeds the venus flytrap into a horrible abomination, that would be the most terrifying creature in film history, were every detail about it the exact opposite. It resembles a giant stalk of celery combined with a used car lot tube man wearing giant boxing gloves, and of course, it develops a thirst for blood. Not motivated by any particular kind of revenge, mind you. Any blood will do. The victim does not have to have wronged it.

It’s a cautionary tale about the limits of science, the corrupting forces of power and of course, mainly about getting Ed Wood involved in your movie. Mike, Kevin and Bill team up to riff the botanical masterwork, The Revenge of Doctor X.