When we're deciding what shorts to screen here at RiffTrax, there's a 27 step, bullet-pointed criteria we use. Then we just pick the ones with the funniest title.  More often than not, this leads to disappointment. It turns out that Why Do We Still Have Mountains* was far duller than its title would indicate and Could a Goldfish Become Mayor of Tallahassee is in fact a short that we just made up.

One short that fortunately bucked the trend is the hilariously titled Cops: Who Needs Them?  It tells the story of a nihilistic band of youths, who despite their apparent middle class upbringing and lack of any real responsibility or hardship in their lives, have developed a healthy distrust of cops. The characters, whose viewpoint about cops is evidently modeled entirely around the West Side Story number "Officer Krupke", also happen to be just about the ugliest bunch of kids you've ever seen.  Seriously, we think that Moosebaby makes a cameo appearance as Frank.

The very cops whose need is questioned in the title are none too pleased about the sassmouth the teens are giving them and decide to take their leader along with them on a ridealong, mortally endangering his life and no doubt violating dozens of laws and protocols. Don't worry though, someone who may or may not be his dad and who also may or may not be furious at his son for having his car stolen gave them some sort of vague, verbal confirmation over the phone that it was OK. I don't think it qualifies as a spoiler to inform you that on the ridealong, somebody does in fact get shot.**  

Experience Cops: Who Needs Them? yourself along with Mike, Kevin and Bill who all think they smell bacon. Yep, definitely bacon. (It has nothing to do with the short about cops, someone just happens to be making bacon. As usual.)

*Not a joke, this was a real short we screened
**Also not a joke, someone really gets shot