If you’re a normal, reasonable person, your knowledge of the Karate Kid franchise likely begins and ends with the following items: the phrase “Sweep the leg,” that awesome “You’re the best around” song, and the ironic Cobra Kai t-shirt you purchased online. But, lucky for you, we at RiffTrax are neither normal nor reasonable, and so we know that the richest, fattiest, saltiest meat of the series lies within Karate Kid III. Please, ignore everything you know about diminishing sequel quality, box office success, and critical acclaim, and just trust us on this one!

One can only imagine the joy a 1980s lad might feel, settling into his theater seat to enjoy the third installment of the adventures of his film hero, Daniel-San. Never mind that Ralph Macchio is now pushing 30 and looks like maybe he’s been skipping some crane kick practices between movies, he’s ready for action! The action of bonsai store ownership! Spending all his time with a strange old man! And, most importantly of all, hounded by Terry Silver, a millionaire evil mastermind who devotes 100% of his resources to getting revenge on a teenage boy for the sake of a casual acquaintance! How does he wreak this vengeance, you and the wide-eyed young Karate Kid fan might ask? By pressuring him into signing a karate tournament application form, using all the proper and appropriate channels! Eyeball-popping stuff!

How would Mike, Kevin, and Bill rate Karate Kid III? By growing evil 80s ponytails, cracking their knuckles, and mugging to the camera, “Perfect.”